5 Days, 10 Hours, 41 Minutes

It's interesting that I mentioned electricity in my last blog, almost like I had a foreshadowing of what was to come.  A lady by the name of Irene stopped by for an uninvited visit and she stayed around just long enough to reek havoc on all she touched.  Ever meet a woman like that?  Many guys have had experiences with a woman that you spent too much money on, only to get raked over the coals and dumped later on.  But I'll bet that you didn't spend millions of dollars on her just to have her take all of your food, water and power.  If you did, you should stop reading this blog right now and go check yourself into a clinic somewhere because you have some major issues, my friend.

5 Days, 10 Hours and 41 Minutes.  That is how long Tropical Storm Irene stole our electricity.  And this was only a tropical storm.  I can only imagine what kind of damage this storm would have produced as a Category 1, 2 or higher hurricane.  I know that many of you have been through worse.  Here in CT we remember Irene's Aunt Gloria and her Uncle Bob stopping by back in the 1985 and 1991, also uninvited.  Just as an aside, ever wonder why a hurricane only has a first name?  You have???  Then you've got way too much time on your hands...why haven't you checked yourself into that clinic yet?

I thought I would keep a diary of the daily happenings during the storm.  I've never been one to keep a diary but I thought what the heck, it's only going to be a day or two tops.

Dear Diary - Day One: Power goes out first thing in the morning.  I turn the front light on so that if I am away from home I will be able to tell if we have power restored before I enter the house.  Fully expecting the loss of power so I'm prepared with a bathtub full of water to flush the toilet.  By the way, did you know that the best way to flush a toilet with no running water is to fill the tank with water and then flush it like you normally do?  That way there is clean water in the bowl which, in a pinch, can be used for, oh I don't know, maybe brushing your teeth.

Dear Diary - Day Two: Power still out.  Already getting sick of turning the light switches on and off thinking if I do it often enough something might happen - other than ticking me off.  Sponge bath time.  What a miserable way of getting clean.  But it beats brushing your teeth in the toilet.

Diary - Day Three: Power no where to be seen.  We have underground power lines at our house so why should we bear the brunt of downed poles and lines?  That's just not fair! For that reason alone we should have power! Give me my power back!  Having to invent ways of getting clean...cold water from the tub is not much fun.  Thought of taking a semi-shower in the toilet but couldn't fit.  Besides, who wants to take a shower where you brush your teeth?

HEY Diary! Day Four: Ornery?  WHO'S ORNEY?  No bleeping electricity.  Sick of listening to the generators in the neighborhood.  Why don't you people get a quiet generator?!?  Then I remember mine is just as loud...doesn't matter!  May as well go outside and clean up after the storm.  Of course I come in soaked from sweat from head to toe with no way of washing up.  What a horrible trick you pulled, Irene - making me clean up after you, without the means to clean myself up!  What kind of a woman are you???  My father taught me never to hit a woman, but if you were here right now...

HEY YOU MISERABLE DIARY - Day Five: Cursing Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Edison and whoever else had ANYTHING to do with that electricity stuff.  The weather is gorgeous outside which ticks me off in two ways; first, because I'm miserable it should be bad weather so EVERYONE can be miserable!  And second, I think if it rains all I would need is some shampoo and soap - and a secluded area of my yard.  Yup, THAT desperate!

Then, some 5 days, 10 hours and 41 minutes later I come home and see the front light on.  YEEHAA!!!  We have power!!!  The first thing I do is run around the house and turn on every light and major appliance just to make up for lost time.  Then I hear the roar of a neighbor's generator which is still running.  Armed with a sawed-off shotgun I venture over to their yard and unload two rounds into that monstrous machine - I guess I still had some pent up frustration, no?

You'll be happy to know I feel much better now now that I have power, water and three square meals a day.  Not at home, mind you, but in a jail cell awaiting sentencing...Goodnight Irene!