Words

How in the world can anyone that hasn't spoken English since birth actually learn the language?  And before you start ranking on me, I know kids cannot speak English when they are first born, it's a figure of speech.  They do, however, speak fluent Scream.  The female of the species will continue to speak Scream throughout their lives while the male of the species will only speak Scream on unique occasions, such as when your team wins the World Series for the first time in 86 years.  I'm still a bit horse from October of 2004!

Okay, how many of you caught the word "horse" in the last sentence?  Obviously one cannot be horse, but one can be hoarse, unless you are a horse, because a horse can't be hoarse.  (Sounds like a verse from the TV show "Mr. Ed", doesn't it? If you are younger than 50 years old, just trust me, it does.)  Have you ever thought about how many words in the English language either sound exactly the same or are spelled the same with totally different meanings?  I doubt you have, so it is a good thing you tuned into this blog as I have done the thinking for you.  A scary thought, I know, but true none the less. 

Homophone.  That's the name of a word that is pronounced the same as another but has a different meaning.  I'll bet you didn't even know that those words had a name, did you?  See the things you learn here?  By the time you finish reading this blog you will have earned 12 college credits which will be transferable to any major college in the United States...if you actually read all thirty-something blogs you will have earned the equivalent of a full fledged college degree...a BS, of  course.

Back to the words.  Here's a sample paragraph that illustrates just how confusing our language can be:

I like to right.  I no some people are board with reading so ewe don't have to reed this if you don't want two - it is up to you to chews weather or knot too.  Ore, you can dew something different, like talk on you're sell phone...or knot.  Go dew what you are lead two do.  Ewe can paint the sealing, clean the seller (witch may take you a few daze), have a bowl of serial, wash you're feat, oar pick sum flours - butt not in the reign.  Whatever you choose two due, bee my guessed.

With all of the different words, spellings and meanings, I thought to myself "how can anyone learn English"?   Then I thought to myself "you gotta stop thinking, this is getting too exhausting".  To the person that only speaks English other languages are very confusing.  Take Chinese, for instance.  The word for "Chinese" in Chinese is 中国 and is pronounced something like "chun coa".  The word for "Swedish" in Swedish is 中国 and at first glance looks remarkably like the Chinese rendition of "Chinese".  Actually the "copy & paste" option on my laptop didn't work quite right...let's try that again, shall we?  The Swedish word for "Swedish" is "Svenska".  Speaking of Swedish, they have some interesting words too.  The Swedish word for "glass" is "glos" (pronounced gloss) while the Swedish word for ice cream is literally "glass".  Can you see the danger in ordering dessert there?

Even English words are often times not pronounced as they are written.  Words like "honor" should be pronounced as ha-onor.  Or how about "ballet"?  That should be pronounced ballot, however since there already was a word called ballot some genius decided to make the "et" sound like an "a".  The city of Worcester is pronounced "wooster".  The town of Occum is also pronounced "wooster"...who knew?

Most people don't know that I am multilingual, meaning I can swear in 18 different languages.  Actually that's not true...only in about 12.  Why is it that when someone meets another person who speaks a different language, the first question isn't "how do you say 'how are you' in your language" but "how do you say $#!%"?  Don't deny it, you know you've done that.  Someone once said swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting.  Rather than swearing, running or fighting, I think I'll use the only other alternative to get my point across...the language Scream!  WADDYA THINK, HUH?!?