Prognostications

Have you ever heard of people that can predict the future?  Or for that matter animals that can predict the future?  I did a bit of research on the subject, which for me is painful at best because research is too much like work, but for you my loyal readers, I'll do it. 

Did you know that there is an octopus named Paul that predicts the outcome of the World Cup in soccer?  And me without a bookie to call...however, I thought about it and here's how that call might have gone. Ring, ring, ring, "Yea?"  "Yea, hi Joe?" (In case you were wondering, all bookies are named Joe.  No, I didn't do any research on that subject, just take my word for it.) "Yea, who's dis?"  "This is TK, and I want to place a bet on the World Cup games.  I got a great tip from Paul."  "Who's Paul?" "Um, Paul?  Well, he's an octopus.  Hello?  Hello?"  See?  Even if I wanted to place a bet based on the eight legged sea creature I wouldn't get too far, even with the unwavering morals of a bookie.

Cats have been known to predict the death of individuals - just another reason not to own a cat.  

A sheep in New Zealand correctly predicted the winner of the 2011 Rugby World Cup games.  And no, I did not call my bookie to place a bet on those games - I already learned my lesson from Paul.

A crocodile in Australia predicted their too-close-to-call 2010 election for Prime Minister...then ate the loser.  Can you say "there is no need for a recount"? Australian politics are tough!

And then of course there is the Prognosticator Extraordinaire, Punxsutawney Phil, the weather-predicting groundhog who, according to the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration has been right less than 50% of the time.  Kind of sounds like a meteorologist or two around here.  Did you know that if you predict it is going to be sunny in Boston on any given day you have a 65% chance of being correct?  Another bit of useless dribble offered up by yours truly.

People that make predictions amaze me.  It goes from the aforementioned meteorologist  (which, I'll grant you, is the low risk end of the prediction spectrum) all the way up to the doomsday predictors.  If you believe these people, I have a bridge you may be interested in purchasing.  One thing is certain - if someone says the end of the world is on X day, rest assured that the world will be just fine, thank you, the day after.  There actually is One that knows that date, but He's not sharing.

The latest craze is the Mayan Calendar which, it is said, predicts that the world will end on December 21, 2012.  If I thought there was even a remote possibility of that I would save myself hundreds of dollars in Christmas gifts this year, but alas I hear the ca-ching of future cash registers up to December 24th...not that I am a last minute shopper or anything.  My wife is chiming in right now, but as the Beatles song says "your lips are moving, I cannot hear, your voice is soothing, but the words aren't clear".  Otherwise I would have written what she just said.

I have my own theories on why the Mayan Calendar ends on December 21st of this year. One is that they ran out of parchment to write the rest of the calendar on.  Or that their union went on strike because of the poor labor conditions they had to endure.  Whatever the reason, let me go on record to say we'll see you on December 22nd.  Yes, that is MY prediction.  So the next time you hear from the likes of Nostradamus, Kreskin, or even that rodent Punxsutawney Phil, take it with a grain of salt.  And then do what Joe did to me...hang up!