Welcome to the 21st Century

Kicking and screaming.  Many people don't like change and for the most part I am one of them.  So when it came time to entering the 21st century technology-wise, I was a bit hesitant.  Okay, I was a lot hesitant.  The first example of my becoming a citizen of the 21st century was a hideous program called "Facebook".  I know that well over 230 billion people have Facebook accounts but I was determined to be one of the few that did not.  Enter my wife.  She knew I was not about to do this so she took it upon herself to make an account for me.  I could be wrong, but isn't that a violation of Federal Statute #32232665?  (The statute number actually means something...can you guess what it means?  Hint - it isn't actually a statute.  It isn't even a statue...but I digress.)

So now I have a Facebook account.  And yes I use it.  Chances are that is how you got to this blog, so apparently it works.  I actually do enjoy, have fun with, tolerate it.  All except for the people that tell you everything, like what they had for breakfast that day.  Oh brother, I just realized that I posted what I had for breakfast today...geez...I've turned into one of THEM!!!  SOMEBODY STOP ME!!!

I think things such as computer tablets, laptops, iPads, and Kindles are great.  Probably because with some exceptions they all act like computers, of which I am already familiar.  However, what about cell "phones"?  I put the word "phones" in quotes because no one uses a cell phone as a phone anymore.  Except for the jerks that may be driving on West Main St. in Norwich with a phone in one hand, a cigarette in the other, while drinking a soda and adjusting the radio.  Chances are that they will not be harmed by drinking soda or even smoking, but by someone else as they veer into the other lane!  Okay, off of my soap box.   A while back I called my son and he answered the phone "Hi Dad!"  I thought he knew who I was because of the caller ID feature, but he said no - he knew it was me because I am the only one that actually CALLS him on his phone!

Cell phones are amazing things.  You can text, take pictures, email, go on the internet, use them to get directions and a host of other things...and I hear that there are one or two people that make calls too.  I now have my wife's old Droid "smart phone" (yeah, right) and I am now getting to the point that I can answer the phone without hanging up on everyone - key word being "everyone" because it still happens.  The phone chirps, squeaks, burps and sings in 23 different languages.  But apparently none of them are English...at least English that I recognize.

Then there are devices that help you find destinations while in your car, which go by the initials GPS.  For those of you yet to enter the 21st century, GPS stands for Ghastlfully Painful Search as the device may or may not guide you to the proper destination.  It takes a Masters degree from MIT (the university, not the former Governor, though both are from Massachusetts...take your pick) to program one of these things.  The correct name is Global Positioning System.  Looking for a banquet hall recently our GPS sent us to a dirt road dead end with no banquet hall.  Then of course it screams at you when you try your hand at locating the facility yourself..."recalculating, recalculating, recalculating".  Mine once told me "Look, pal, if you want to find this place yourself, good luck, but you sunk over $100 into purchasing me and you are blatantly disregarding my directions capability...are you insane or just merely stupid?"  As it hurdled out of my car window through the air I heard it exclaim "can't take a joke, can you?"  So much for technology.  Welcome to MY 21st century!

What Happens in Vegas...

Ever been to Las Vegas?  Not that I really care, I was just trying to be polite. I just came back from there so I thought I would tell you all about it.  Kind of like your favorite relative at Thanksgiving spouting off about their trip to Cape Cod...something you REALLY don't want to hear about, especially for the seventh time.  However, because this is the first time I have told you about MY trip I should have your undivided attention - right?

You've undoubtedly have heard the saying "What Happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas"?  (Footnote...I lost my cell phone for a few hours in Vegas and that stupid saying kept going through my mind - buh bye cell phone!)  But contrary to the saying, I'm hear to tell you What Happened in Vegas is in this blog!

I went there with my wife for a business convention.  The plane ride there was uneventful.  There were three seats on each side of the aisle, and I ended up sitting next to a very attractive woman, late 40's to around 50 I would guess.  The interesting thing is that I also ended up sitting next to that same woman on the trip back.  The chances of that would normally be extremely low, however that woman is my wife, which brings the odds up dramatically.  Get it?  Odds...Vegas?  Whatever.

The hotel we stayed in for the convention was about 15 minutes south of Las Vegas Boulevard, or as those of us who have been to Vegas call it - The Strip.  Our hotel buffet was voted the best in Vegas, and I am here to say that this is very true.  It was a little pricey at $25 a person but I've never had a better breakfast selection anywhere...and my tight pants prove it!

Slot machines are everywhere in Vegas - even at the airport.  Correct me if I'm wrong (there is a first time for everything) but if you're gambling at the airport aren't you a bit, shall we say, compulsive?  Isn't that like stopping to eat on the way to the restaurant?  Virtually every hotel, casino, phone booth, bathroom, water fountain, and telephone pole have slot machines so why not wait until after you've left the airport? A lot of people feel that the airport is a big enough gamble even WITHOUT the slot machines.  Speaking of a gamble, something that weighs over 150,000 pounds speeding down a runway at over 160 miles an hour getting off the ground doesn't make much sense.  Of course billionaires like Donald Trump or Bill Gates having the haircuts they have don't make much sense either.

Okay, drum roll please...my wife and I are the only people on the face of the earth that have gone to Las Vegas for a week and not spent one cent gambling!  Quick, get me the phone number for the Guinness Book of World Records!  Why spend money in Nevada when we could spend it just the same at either local casino here in eastern Connecticut?  (Not that we do that either.)  What's that?  Congress is launching an investigation into why we didn't gamble in Vegas?  I can certainly suggest a thing or two they should be investigating!!!  Did you know that in the original Greek, the word "Congress" actually means "Those That Gamble With Other People's Money"?  Maybe Congress should move to Las Vegas - they would have less of a chance of losing the money there than in Washington DC!

Politics R Us

Yes, 'Tis the Season.  No, not the holiday season, the political season!  Instead of holiday decorations we see political signs dotting the countryside.  And unless you are a political junkie like me it probably drives you nuts.  Actually I am getting annoyed at all of the signs especially the billboard-sized signs with life size photos of the candidates.  What's next, blimps with neon pictures hovering low enough to see the color of the pilot's eyes?  Or a small airplane with an ad banner off the back of it?  How about that same airplane with the candidate hanging off the back?  I might pay to see that!

I will not discuss actual politics in this blog.  If you are wondering which side of the fence I'm on, keep an ear   open in eastern CT on November 6th sometime after 9 PM and depending on the outcome I'll be laughing or crying.  And no doubt posting something on Facebook because, well, doesn't everybody do that?

I think the worst part of this season are the ads.  I don't think there is enough time in the day for the candidates to have done everything they are accused of doing.  The last ad I saw accused one of the candidates of the Lindbergh baby kidnapping.  The other candidate was then accused of starting World War II.  Really?  If you believe everything the ads say you would not vote for ANY of the sleazoids.  This one voted to stop Social Security and rather then sending monthly checks they suggested sending bills to senior citizens.  The other one voted to lower the minimum wage to $1.90 per hour then tax it at a 90% tax rate. AAAHHH!!!!  Enough already!

I have the cure for all of the political stuff going on...November 7th.  There should be a law (as if there aren't enough laws already, but I digress) that states that on November 7th all political signs must be taken down or you will be forced to wear a tee shirt that says "I voted for _____", whoever was not your candidate.  Kinda like wearing a Red Sox hat to Yankee Stadium...which I have done...and lived to tell about it...barely.

I mentioned this in an earlier blog (remember??? if not, your assignment is to go back and read them all), regarding the word politics.  It is made up of two words, "poli" meaning many and "tics" which are blood sucking insects.  How apropos, eh?

Get out and vote on November 6th.  Otherwise I don't want to hear you complain about politics.  So I guess there is only one thing left to say:  "This is Tom Kilcollum and I approved this blog."