Studies Government-style!

With everything that is going on with the government today I thought I'd write a blog about studies.  Not the stuff that we had to do in school, but studies that our illustrious government funds with our hard earned money.  Notice I said "our" hard earned money.  Let's not forget that the government does not make money, unless you consider printing it making it.  No, what the government does is an enormous job of redistribution of our money.  Granted the majority of what they spend it on is necessary (roughly 51%) but the remainder is what we lovingly refer to as "pork-barrel projects".  You know, those "we gotta have 'em" projects that we cannot do without.

 I did some research about some of these pork-barrel projects.  It took me about 1/2 hour to find these, and if the government had hired me to do this research I figure I could have made $15,971 not including lodging and transportation.  Quite a bargain by federal standards.  Here is a list of just a few of these pet projects.  First a disclaimer...if one or more of these projects were done at your request, well, too bad:

1) $107,000 to study the sex life of the Japanese quail.  Apparently the male quail (say that 5 times fast) is quite the ladies man.  Nuff said.
2) $84,000 to find out why people fall in love.  Now THERE'S a mystery.  Can't wait to see how that book ends.  I bet the butler did it.
3) $1 Million dollars to find out why people don't ride bikes to work.  Well let's see.  I work about 23 miles from home and the best way to get from here to there is by Route 395 through Norwich.  Seeing as how you can't ride a bike on Route 395, and I'm not about to bike over 30 miles one way, which is the next best route, well, there you go!  That's a million dollars we'll never get back.
4) $100,000 on how to avoid falling spacecraft.  As my friend Frank would say, some jokes just write themselves.  And possibly my favorite because of the subject and the dollar amount...
5)  $19 Million dollars to examine gas emissions from cow flatulence.  I don't care if you believe in global warming or not, that is just a little over the top.  I wonder if they'll classify that as man-made global warming? Okay, splain that one to me Lucy!

So the next time you are taking your Japanese quail for a walk while reading a love story not riding your bike to work (shame on you, by the way!), running through a smelly cow field because you're trying to avoid those pesky falling spacecraft, remember this blog and then ask yourself..."would the federal government have paid me to read this?"  And if the answer is yes, let me know and we'll split the money!  Wait, there's a knock at my door.  Can I help you?  You're with the FBI?  Oh, the other FBI.  The Federal Blog Investigation?  Hey honey, call our attorney, we're in deep!