Driving Me Crazy

Yea, yea, I know, I didn't do a blog yesterday.  My contract says that I can do one whenever and however often I want (lie). OOOOHHH that MISERABLE LIE THING IS ON AGAIN!  Sometimes I hate this computer...Anyway, thank you for all of the emails, calls, cards, letters, tweets, Facebook postings, etc. asking when my next blog was going to be.  Oh, you say that you didn't call, email, write or tweet? I KNOW!  Where is everyone?!?  Hello?  Is this thing on???

The title of this blog is Driving Me Crazy.  I thought that was an apt title regarding the roads we drive on and in particular the crazy people who inhabit said roads!  To begin with, I noticed something last week...did you know that every car on the road today has at least one person in it?  I can't be sure about the trucks because they are so high off the road but if I had to guess I'd say there was someone in those as well. Quite the amazing discovery I thought.  Just sayin...

I was all set to write about all of the stupid things people do behind the wheel but after writing two paragraphs of stuff I noticed it wasn't very funny.  And after I typed it all I began getting road rage just sitting here!  So I may at a later date tackle that subject when I can figure out how to make it funny explaining what ignorant, moronic, stupid, dense, oblivious jerks do on the road.  But in the meantime, turn off your high beams will ya?!?

A few Random Thoughts (catchy, eh?) about driving. Have you ever noticed that when you pass a vehicle or another vehicle passes you that their car makes noise and yours doesn't?  Tomorrow's homework assignment...roll down your window (in what is supposed to be a snowstorm here) and listen as another vehicle drives by.  How about that, I'm right aren't I???  Also, have you ever driven over one of the strips or bumpers that counts the vehicles on the road?  And have you ever driven over one on a road that you know you will never drive on again, then feel guilty that your car got counted?  You have?  Man, get a life!

But my favorite all time thing on the road is on most highways - it is the big traffic signs above the highways that light up with a message such as "Traffic backed up from Exit 16 to Exit 22", or "Accident ahead, left lane closed".  You probably never thought of this; however this is why I get paid the big bucks, to figure out things like this (lie). Arrrgh!!!  Anyway, whoever the sadistic person is that controls these signs is the one that causes these incidents to occur.  Yes, while you thought that these signs are to warn us of impending danger, they actually CREATE the problems.  Why is it that they are always right?  Because some nut is sitting in a nice warm room somewhere thinking of things to happen.  Then he merely types it in, posts it on these signs and voila (pronounced ta-dah!) the backup or accident occurs.  I don't know if this is a state or a federal job...my guess is federal because there are a lot of loony tunes in Washington that are qualified for the position, but that's for another blog.  


So the next time you see one of these warning signs think of this blog, then curse "the person behind the curtain" for causing whatever backup awaits.  So tell me now, aren't you glad that are reading this?  I guarantee you that you won't find insight like this anywhere else - no need thank me.  Just let me know you are breathing out there, okay?!?  OH, the phone!!! Dang, wrong number...