Memorial Day

Happy Memorial Day!  Just a quick blog about the holiday we celebrate this weekend.  Many Americans will be traveling on this long holiday weekend, there will be many parties, cookouts and get-togethers.  I hope that everyone realizes the reason we celebrate Memorial Day and what it actually means.  I'm not going to go into the detailed history of the holiday but it was first recognized back in 1868.  I think there are a number of people that mistake the meaning of Memorial Day with that of Veterans Day, thinking this holiday is to pay homage to and thank the current veterans for their service...never let it be said that I was against praising our armed forces whenever we can, but this holiday is to remember those in the military who have lost their lives defending our freedom; those who have made the ultimate sacrifice, as well as those servicemen and women who have passed on before us.

The mere fact that I am able to do a blog such as this and write whatever I choose is a direct result of the brave members of our armed forces who have fought and died for this privilege - that of free speech.  This freedom and many others must never be taken for granted.  There are those among us who think nothing of slowly eroding the freedoms that our forefathers shed their blood for, and that burns me more than you can imagine.

I think of my father, who was in the Navy during World War II.  He was on a munitions ship in the Pacific Ocean, and although he did tell me one or two stories about his life in the military I would have liked to hear more about it from him.  Especially now that I have a deeper understanding of  what it means to be a member of the military and the sacrifices they as well as their families make on a daily basis.  My father in law was in the Marines at the end of the Korean War and he has shared some stories of that time with me which is great.

During the festivities this weekend take some time to say a prayer for those families for whom this Memorial Day is especially poignant - those who over this past year have lost a family member in the defense of our country...those families that now realize the true meaning of the holiday.  If you know a "Gold Star" family such as this, reach out to them this weekend, even if it's to just say you're thinking about them.

So knowing the meaning of Memorial Day, should you thank a current or past member of the armed forces today?  Absolutely.  Not only today but anytime you think to do that.  So just to name a few, thanks Jim in Florida, Jim in Putnam, and of course my son Justin, and the many other men and women who are currently serving.  But don't forget the real meaning of the holiday.  Have fun, enjoy the weekend, say a quick prayer, and have a hot dog for me!

Name That Tune!

Have you ever heard a song that sticks in your mind that you wish you hadn't heard?  You know, one of those songs that you don't like but once you hear it you find yourself humming it over and over all day?  Maybe a kid's song like "The wheels on the bus go round and round" or a more adult song like "99 bottles of beer on the wall"  or any song by REO Speedwagon?  Doesn't that drive you crazy?  While I'm not here to add to anyone's insanity (although I could be talked into it )  I do want to discuss the subject of music, of which I am an expert.  Okay, maybe not an expert but I know a lot about it.  Okay, I may not know a lot about it but I do listen to the radio.  Okay, I listen to talk radio but I can have an opinion on music, can't I?

I get a kick out of some of the titles of songs, especially some of the country music songs...here's a few: "If the Phone Don't Ring You'll  Know Its Me", or "How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away" or my personal favorite "I Kissed Her Lips Goodbye and Left Her Behind For You".  Some lyrics of songs are interesting too.  Consider Lady Gaga's song "Bad Romance" with the lyric "rah, rah, ah, ah, ah, roma, roma ma, gaga olala..."  Speaking of lyrics that stick in your head!  Of course there have always been odd lyrics to songs.  How about "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts"...huh? Or how about "How much is that doggy in the window (arf-arf).  No, I did not add the barking - it's in the song.  But if I were to come up with a song like that barking would absolutely be part of it.

Most everyone has a favorite song or a favorite singer or band.  I like the early Beatles music, before they went off the deep end.  I also like much of the 60's and 70's music.  It's interesting - the only place where  I can listen to that genre of music is on an "oldies" station...an "oldies" station?  C'mon, it was only a few years ago when those records were made, right?  Yea, right!  Even the word "record" is outdated.  Some of you know the story of my youngest son.  When he was about 13 years old we bought him an old turntable with the speakers attached.  Then I showed him how to use it: I placed an LP (Long Playing Record for those of you under 30 years old) on the spindle, hit the reject knob then the record player dropped the record onto the turntable, the arm of the player swung around and landed on the record exactly in the right place...then the music started to play.  My son's eyes lit up and he yelled out "WOW, COOL!"  I instantly felt like I was 92 years old.  This machine that was commonplace back when I was a kid had become a circus side show, similar I suppose to someone using indoor plumbing for the first time...what a novelty!  Quick trivia question: how many grooves are on the average 45 record?  The answer later on...I have to make you read the rest of this somehow!

So records are no longer records, they are CD's.  Now you no longer have the pleasure of listening to the static in the background of your favorite record that you have played over and over - all of the songs now are for the most part crystal clear.  What fun is that?  Gone is the challenge of trying to stop a record from skipping by placing a penny on the arm of the record player.  Then trying to stop the record because the penny fell off and is ruining the rest of the record!  Yup, those were the days!

While most people can tell you what their favorite song is, I'll bet few can tell you right off the bat what their least favorite song is.  I of course can.  The song with this dubious distinction is Rod Stewart's "Maggie May".  How I loathe that song!  And why you may ask?  Back when I was a freshman in high school they had a DJ that played music before classes in the morning.  I wasn't too fond of school and the DJ played this song every morning for the entire school year.  I still dive to change the station when that song comes on.  Ew. 

I am always amazed at people that like all types of music.  My middle son likes virtually every type of music. Shameless plug time...He is a member of the Air Force Air National Guard Band of the Northeast (http://www.bandofthenortheast.ang.af.mil/).  If you click on "photos" he's the handsome chap in the photo with Wayne Newton standing up behind Wayne just to the right (with glasses) holding a sax.  All of our United States military family is to be congratulated for the outstanding job they all do, including these very talented musicians.  If you get a chance to see them play I highly recommend it.

Quite a few people like to sing along with their favorite singers and songs.  Some are good singers...some, not so much.  Here's where I would normally say to the not-so-good singers "you know who you are" but unfortunately they do NOT know who they are.  Have you noticed this?  That people that can't carry a tune in a bucket have no idea that they don't even have a bucket?  We must stop those people from singing by any means possible.  Here's a good non-violent way of doing that.  When they begin to sing, say, an Elton John song, ask them why Elton John sings that song.  When they answer they don't know, tell them "so YOU don't have to!"  Just don't quote me or I'll deny it all.  What's that?  It's in writing?  Well, apparently some people shouldn't write either! (Present company accepted of course!)

Answer to the trivia question: One.  There is one groove on every record.  If there was more than one, how would the record play?  DUH! (Insert smiley face here)

Themeless Thoughts Thrown Throughout

Themeless Thoughts...thounds like I'm lithping, doethn't it?

Everyone has little tidbits of information that they carry around - useless factoids that take up space and clutter things up in the brain, making it difficult, if not impossible, to remember the important things in life...things like which gas station has gas under $4 a gallon (none right now, by the way) to where did I put my keys?  Oh yea, I left them in the ignition, which explains why my car is being driven away as we speak.  I probably should call the police, but my wife might get upset at the thought of being pulled over...no sense of humor, you know?  Anyway, I thought if I write these thoughts down it would free up some much needed space in my gray matter so I can fully understand Einstein's E=mc2 or at least how my keys can get up and move on their own.

We try to eat as organically as possible which is a good idea for everyone.  One thing we always purchase are organic apples.  They say that apples are one of the fruits that should be eaten organically because they absorb pesticides very easily.  Each apple has a sticker on it stating that it is an organic apple.  What nobody knows, except for me of course, is that the sticker itself is highly toxic and if you don't wash the sticker goo off of the apple you will get violently ill within seconds.  So much for eating organically, eh?

Keeping with the food theme, let's discuss yogurt...but not the yogurt itself, rather the container it comes in.  Have you noticed that all yogurt containers are not made smooth but rather have a lot of indents - sort of like a set of stairs going to the bottom of the container.  Each of these "stairs" holds a little bit of yogurt that you cannot get to with a spoon.  This is done on purpose by the yogurt manufacturers so that rather than being filled up after eating one yogurt, now you need to eat a second one because you can't get at all of the yogurt in the first one.  How notorious of the manufacturers to come up with a scheme like this.  You will not read about this anywhere else but here, which I'm sure does not surprise you.

Quick one...in the alphabet the letter "M" should come before the letter "L".  I have absolutely no reasoning behind this, just a gut feeling.  Whoever originally invented the English alphabet was obviously having a bad day when he decided the "M" verses "L" thing.

We've all heard the joke about Teflon pans...if Teflon is a non-stick surface how does it stick to the pan?  I'll take it one step further.  We have a Teflon pan that had a huge sticker on it that we can't get off!  I have tried everything including boiling water in it, to no avail.  Kinda makes you wonder how good the pan would work if I did get the sticker off of it.  How ironic!  I'll bet that the sticker was made by the same folks that make the stickers for the organic apples so maybe I should just throw the pan away.

Here's a quick time saver.  Almost every household has a microwave.  (Household?  What's with that word?  It's a strange word don't you think?  It had to be invented by the guy that decided "M" comes before L", but I digress.)  Back to saving time.  How often do you go to heat something up for a few seconds so you press the number 2 and then the number 0 for 20 seconds.  Rather than taking the time to go all of the way from the 2 to the 0, which takes roughly one second, why not press the number 2 twice?  You save about a second each time you use the microwave!  If you multiply it out, over the course of a year you have saved yourself just over 30 minutes.  No need to thank me, that's why I'm here.

It has been scientifically proven that roughly 73% of the time an itch occurs where you cannot reach it.  Why is that?  Is there some sort of insidious "Itch Bug" that infests the world, who's sole purpose in life is to make you miserable, while you search for a door jam to scratch your back like a bear does against a tree in the woods?  And speaking of bears, does a bear know it's bare?  And does a fish know it's wet? Quick question: what do you call a fish with no eyes?  A fsh.

Does anyone have a membership to a gym?  And when you go to the gym do you drive around for days looking for the best parking spot?  Think about what you are doing!  Gym parking lots should be totally empty except for the parking spaces that are on the perimeter of the parking lot.  If you are there to get in shape then start in the parking lot for crying out loud!  That way I can park up close to the store, which is next to the gym, to pick up my organic ice cream and Oreo's.  Because as everyone knows, organic things have no calories or fat, so eat up. What did you say?  That's not true?!?  Well!!! Where's that Itch Bug when I need it?

Fridgnoscopy

I always thought Spring Cleaning was an interesting term.  How do springs get dirty anyway?  And why would one want to clean them?

Spring cleaning...ain't it fun?  Shoveling out all of the stuff that was accumulated over the winter.  Actually the words "shoveling" and "winter" should not be allowed in the same sentence during the spring, summer and autumn seasons.  Winter - dislike!  Spring is a great time of year, where you can open the windows and the air from the outside doesn't immediately freeze and slam your nose shut.  Of course as the days get longer we are able to see more and more of the dirt, dust, grime, grunge, filth and crud in the house so spring cleaning is a must.  What's that?  You don't have all of that dirt in your house?  Um, me either.  But humor me.

Part of the spring cleaning ritual can be the Cleaning of the Refrigerator, better known as a Fridgnoscopy.  This is a term I totally stole from my friend Pete, who took it upon himself to do the unthinkable...to clean out the office refrigerator!  Dr. Pete, as he called himself due to the Fridgnoscopy procedure he pioneered, found items dating as far back as 1998.  Granted, it was only a container of salt (I believe the label said Dead Sea Salt).  There were other items in there from the early 2000's which has everyone at the office baffled.  You see, the office building was built in 2005, so how did these items make it into a fridge that had only been there since 2005?  Me thinks there is more to this story than meets the eye but I am afraid to pursue it.  Suffice it to say that things that had fur, that didn't originally have fur, are now no longer polluting the fridge.  The operation was a complete success...thanks, Dr. Pete!  Now we'll see if the insurance will cover his bill.

There are two types of cleaning: voluntary and mandatory.  Most people clean voluntarily; that is, they will vacuum the house at least once a week, dust and do other maintenance-type cleaning chores.  Mandatory cleaning involves cleaning that, if you don't do it, will eventually kill you.  Well, maybe not kill you, but what it will do is give you an added benefit most people do not want - house guests of the non-domesticated four legged variety.  Here's an example of cleaning - try to guess which category it fits in.  A woman was feeling energetic one day and made a cake, frosted it, washed the kitchen windows, cleaned all of the cupboards, scrubbed the kitchen floor and walls & ceiling.  Voluntary you guess?  Wrong!  This was an example of mandatory cleaning because she forgot to turn off the mixer before taking the beaters out of the bowl.  I know no one that reads this blog has ever done that...this audience is way too intelligent to have had that happen!

Some people like to clean and then there's me.  I actually don't mind it but there are always more important things to do than to clean, which makes it easy to put off til tomorrow what could be done today.         I know that sounds like I am procrastinating but that's not the case.  I could explain more about procrastination now but I think I'll do it  later on. 

So here is a Tip of the Day for cleaning: always keep several get well cards on the mantel - if unexpected guests show up they will think you have been sick and not able to clean...problem solved.  And don't forget - if you think your refrigerator is in need of a Fridgnoscopy, Dr. Pete makes house calls!  Now if I could just get him to come over here...