Themeless Thoughts Thrown Throughout

Themeless Thoughts...thounds like I'm lithping, doethn't it?

Everyone has little tidbits of information that they carry around - useless factoids that take up space and clutter things up in the brain, making it difficult, if not impossible, to remember the important things in life...things like which gas station has gas under $4 a gallon (none right now, by the way) to where did I put my keys?  Oh yea, I left them in the ignition, which explains why my car is being driven away as we speak.  I probably should call the police, but my wife might get upset at the thought of being pulled over...no sense of humor, you know?  Anyway, I thought if I write these thoughts down it would free up some much needed space in my gray matter so I can fully understand Einstein's E=mc2 or at least how my keys can get up and move on their own.

We try to eat as organically as possible which is a good idea for everyone.  One thing we always purchase are organic apples.  They say that apples are one of the fruits that should be eaten organically because they absorb pesticides very easily.  Each apple has a sticker on it stating that it is an organic apple.  What nobody knows, except for me of course, is that the sticker itself is highly toxic and if you don't wash the sticker goo off of the apple you will get violently ill within seconds.  So much for eating organically, eh?

Keeping with the food theme, let's discuss yogurt...but not the yogurt itself, rather the container it comes in.  Have you noticed that all yogurt containers are not made smooth but rather have a lot of indents - sort of like a set of stairs going to the bottom of the container.  Each of these "stairs" holds a little bit of yogurt that you cannot get to with a spoon.  This is done on purpose by the yogurt manufacturers so that rather than being filled up after eating one yogurt, now you need to eat a second one because you can't get at all of the yogurt in the first one.  How notorious of the manufacturers to come up with a scheme like this.  You will not read about this anywhere else but here, which I'm sure does not surprise you.

Quick one...in the alphabet the letter "M" should come before the letter "L".  I have absolutely no reasoning behind this, just a gut feeling.  Whoever originally invented the English alphabet was obviously having a bad day when he decided the "M" verses "L" thing.

We've all heard the joke about Teflon pans...if Teflon is a non-stick surface how does it stick to the pan?  I'll take it one step further.  We have a Teflon pan that had a huge sticker on it that we can't get off!  I have tried everything including boiling water in it, to no avail.  Kinda makes you wonder how good the pan would work if I did get the sticker off of it.  How ironic!  I'll bet that the sticker was made by the same folks that make the stickers for the organic apples so maybe I should just throw the pan away.

Here's a quick time saver.  Almost every household has a microwave.  (Household?  What's with that word?  It's a strange word don't you think?  It had to be invented by the guy that decided "M" comes before L", but I digress.)  Back to saving time.  How often do you go to heat something up for a few seconds so you press the number 2 and then the number 0 for 20 seconds.  Rather than taking the time to go all of the way from the 2 to the 0, which takes roughly one second, why not press the number 2 twice?  You save about a second each time you use the microwave!  If you multiply it out, over the course of a year you have saved yourself just over 30 minutes.  No need to thank me, that's why I'm here.

It has been scientifically proven that roughly 73% of the time an itch occurs where you cannot reach it.  Why is that?  Is there some sort of insidious "Itch Bug" that infests the world, who's sole purpose in life is to make you miserable, while you search for a door jam to scratch your back like a bear does against a tree in the woods?  And speaking of bears, does a bear know it's bare?  And does a fish know it's wet? Quick question: what do you call a fish with no eyes?  A fsh.

Does anyone have a membership to a gym?  And when you go to the gym do you drive around for days looking for the best parking spot?  Think about what you are doing!  Gym parking lots should be totally empty except for the parking spaces that are on the perimeter of the parking lot.  If you are there to get in shape then start in the parking lot for crying out loud!  That way I can park up close to the store, which is next to the gym, to pick up my organic ice cream and Oreo's.  Because as everyone knows, organic things have no calories or fat, so eat up. What did you say?  That's not true?!?  Well!!! Where's that Itch Bug when I need it?