Welcome to the 21st Century

Kicking and screaming.  Many people don't like change and for the most part I am one of them.  So when it came time to entering the 21st century technology-wise, I was a bit hesitant.  Okay, I was a lot hesitant.  The first example of my becoming a citizen of the 21st century was a hideous program called "Facebook".  I know that well over 230 billion people have Facebook accounts but I was determined to be one of the few that did not.  Enter my wife.  She knew I was not about to do this so she took it upon herself to make an account for me.  I could be wrong, but isn't that a violation of Federal Statute #32232665?  (The statute number actually means something...can you guess what it means?  Hint - it isn't actually a statute.  It isn't even a statue...but I digress.)

So now I have a Facebook account.  And yes I use it.  Chances are that is how you got to this blog, so apparently it works.  I actually do enjoy, have fun with, tolerate it.  All except for the people that tell you everything, like what they had for breakfast that day.  Oh brother, I just realized that I posted what I had for breakfast today...geez...I've turned into one of THEM!!!  SOMEBODY STOP ME!!!

I think things such as computer tablets, laptops, iPads, and Kindles are great.  Probably because with some exceptions they all act like computers, of which I am already familiar.  However, what about cell "phones"?  I put the word "phones" in quotes because no one uses a cell phone as a phone anymore.  Except for the jerks that may be driving on West Main St. in Norwich with a phone in one hand, a cigarette in the other, while drinking a soda and adjusting the radio.  Chances are that they will not be harmed by drinking soda or even smoking, but by someone else as they veer into the other lane!  Okay, off of my soap box.   A while back I called my son and he answered the phone "Hi Dad!"  I thought he knew who I was because of the caller ID feature, but he said no - he knew it was me because I am the only one that actually CALLS him on his phone!

Cell phones are amazing things.  You can text, take pictures, email, go on the internet, use them to get directions and a host of other things...and I hear that there are one or two people that make calls too.  I now have my wife's old Droid "smart phone" (yeah, right) and I am now getting to the point that I can answer the phone without hanging up on everyone - key word being "everyone" because it still happens.  The phone chirps, squeaks, burps and sings in 23 different languages.  But apparently none of them are English...at least English that I recognize.

Then there are devices that help you find destinations while in your car, which go by the initials GPS.  For those of you yet to enter the 21st century, GPS stands for Ghastlfully Painful Search as the device may or may not guide you to the proper destination.  It takes a Masters degree from MIT (the university, not the former Governor, though both are from Massachusetts...take your pick) to program one of these things.  The correct name is Global Positioning System.  Looking for a banquet hall recently our GPS sent us to a dirt road dead end with no banquet hall.  Then of course it screams at you when you try your hand at locating the facility yourself..."recalculating, recalculating, recalculating".  Mine once told me "Look, pal, if you want to find this place yourself, good luck, but you sunk over $100 into purchasing me and you are blatantly disregarding my directions capability...are you insane or just merely stupid?"  As it hurdled out of my car window through the air I heard it exclaim "can't take a joke, can you?"  So much for technology.  Welcome to MY 21st century!

What Happens in Vegas...

Ever been to Las Vegas?  Not that I really care, I was just trying to be polite. I just came back from there so I thought I would tell you all about it.  Kind of like your favorite relative at Thanksgiving spouting off about their trip to Cape Cod...something you REALLY don't want to hear about, especially for the seventh time.  However, because this is the first time I have told you about MY trip I should have your undivided attention - right?

You've undoubtedly have heard the saying "What Happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas"?  (Footnote...I lost my cell phone for a few hours in Vegas and that stupid saying kept going through my mind - buh bye cell phone!)  But contrary to the saying, I'm hear to tell you What Happened in Vegas is in this blog!

I went there with my wife for a business convention.  The plane ride there was uneventful.  There were three seats on each side of the aisle, and I ended up sitting next to a very attractive woman, late 40's to around 50 I would guess.  The interesting thing is that I also ended up sitting next to that same woman on the trip back.  The chances of that would normally be extremely low, however that woman is my wife, which brings the odds up dramatically.  Get it?  Odds...Vegas?  Whatever.

The hotel we stayed in for the convention was about 15 minutes south of Las Vegas Boulevard, or as those of us who have been to Vegas call it - The Strip.  Our hotel buffet was voted the best in Vegas, and I am here to say that this is very true.  It was a little pricey at $25 a person but I've never had a better breakfast selection anywhere...and my tight pants prove it!

Slot machines are everywhere in Vegas - even at the airport.  Correct me if I'm wrong (there is a first time for everything) but if you're gambling at the airport aren't you a bit, shall we say, compulsive?  Isn't that like stopping to eat on the way to the restaurant?  Virtually every hotel, casino, phone booth, bathroom, water fountain, and telephone pole have slot machines so why not wait until after you've left the airport? A lot of people feel that the airport is a big enough gamble even WITHOUT the slot machines.  Speaking of a gamble, something that weighs over 150,000 pounds speeding down a runway at over 160 miles an hour getting off the ground doesn't make much sense.  Of course billionaires like Donald Trump or Bill Gates having the haircuts they have don't make much sense either.

Okay, drum roll please...my wife and I are the only people on the face of the earth that have gone to Las Vegas for a week and not spent one cent gambling!  Quick, get me the phone number for the Guinness Book of World Records!  Why spend money in Nevada when we could spend it just the same at either local casino here in eastern Connecticut?  (Not that we do that either.)  What's that?  Congress is launching an investigation into why we didn't gamble in Vegas?  I can certainly suggest a thing or two they should be investigating!!!  Did you know that in the original Greek, the word "Congress" actually means "Those That Gamble With Other People's Money"?  Maybe Congress should move to Las Vegas - they would have less of a chance of losing the money there than in Washington DC!

Politics R Us

Yes, 'Tis the Season.  No, not the holiday season, the political season!  Instead of holiday decorations we see political signs dotting the countryside.  And unless you are a political junkie like me it probably drives you nuts.  Actually I am getting annoyed at all of the signs especially the billboard-sized signs with life size photos of the candidates.  What's next, blimps with neon pictures hovering low enough to see the color of the pilot's eyes?  Or a small airplane with an ad banner off the back of it?  How about that same airplane with the candidate hanging off the back?  I might pay to see that!

I will not discuss actual politics in this blog.  If you are wondering which side of the fence I'm on, keep an ear   open in eastern CT on November 6th sometime after 9 PM and depending on the outcome I'll be laughing or crying.  And no doubt posting something on Facebook because, well, doesn't everybody do that?

I think the worst part of this season are the ads.  I don't think there is enough time in the day for the candidates to have done everything they are accused of doing.  The last ad I saw accused one of the candidates of the Lindbergh baby kidnapping.  The other candidate was then accused of starting World War II.  Really?  If you believe everything the ads say you would not vote for ANY of the sleazoids.  This one voted to stop Social Security and rather then sending monthly checks they suggested sending bills to senior citizens.  The other one voted to lower the minimum wage to $1.90 per hour then tax it at a 90% tax rate. AAAHHH!!!!  Enough already!

I have the cure for all of the political stuff going on...November 7th.  There should be a law (as if there aren't enough laws already, but I digress) that states that on November 7th all political signs must be taken down or you will be forced to wear a tee shirt that says "I voted for _____", whoever was not your candidate.  Kinda like wearing a Red Sox hat to Yankee Stadium...which I have done...and lived to tell about it...barely.

I mentioned this in an earlier blog (remember??? if not, your assignment is to go back and read them all), regarding the word politics.  It is made up of two words, "poli" meaning many and "tics" which are blood sucking insects.  How apropos, eh?

Get out and vote on November 6th.  Otherwise I don't want to hear you complain about politics.  So I guess there is only one thing left to say:  "This is Tom Kilcollum and I approved this blog."

Anger Management

When I began to write this blog I thought to myself  "who would want to read a blog about being angry"?  Then I got angry at myself for thinking such a thing and continued on.  More on that strange phenomena of being mad at yourself later on.

At some point or another everyone will get angry at someone or something.  Maybe not angry enough to rip a phone book in half (by the way, do they still have those...I'll be angry if not), but angry just the same.  It can be little things: "Ah, the egg yoke just broke!" to completely over the top things: "OH GREAT, BOTH egg yokes just broke!"  You see it doesn't take much to make some people angry.  Just add a little unexpected ingredient into the mix and voila, anger results.

Ever encounter agitated people?  If someone tells you "I watch CSI...do not tick me off because I know how to get rid of all of the evidence", thank them and walk away, quickly.  Also, stay away from someone who says "don't disturb me, I'm disturbed enough already".

I've always thought that being angry at yourself is an odd thing.  You do something, you screw up, you get mad at yourself.  Huh?  Get over it!  Instead, get mad at a thing.  I'm normally a patient guy; what sets me off quicker than anything else? Inanimate objects.  You know, things like vehicles, computers and any other thing that can't talk back...which makes it even worse!  Oh it can get real bad real quick.  I have a motto about working on vehicles - if it didn't draw blood it wasn't worth it.  It seems that every time I work on a vehicle I either stab myself with a screwdriver or scrape my knuckles while using a socket wrench.  And even though the vehicle may learn a few words it hadn't heard before, once I fix it it's worth it...kinda.

Why are we so quick to get angry?  Whatever happened to patience.  At one point or another we've all prayed the prayer, "I need patience, and I want it NOW!!!"  Doesn't always work though.  So even though we all know there is nothing to get upset about in Norwich (with the possible exception of Rt. 395 near exit 81 on Friday afternoon, trying to turn left onto West Main Street at any point, or the traffic scheme downtown) it is easy to get a little ticked off at some time or another.

Hang in there my friend, and do what I do - punch whatever is closest to you.  Notice I didn't say punch "whoever" is closest to you.  That would be a huge mistake, especially if you happen to work in the police station, or with your wife.  Not that I know this by experience, but my guess is that most wives have a pretty good left hook, and my advice? Don't be on the receiving end.

Break The Silence

Normally I can bang out a blog in a short period of time without too much thought being put into it.  Yes, that is my secret - not thinking - seems to work every time!  This one is a little bit different.  Not that I don't know a lot about the subject; quite the contrary, possibly too much.  I had never even heard of the subject before 2003 when it came, uninvited, into our lives.

Ovarian cancer.  Just the sound of those words can make one cringe.  When you hear of a friend or an acquaintance that has cancer your first thought is "oh, that is too bad".  But when it invades your life, or your spouse's life, the angst level is off the charts.  My wife Madonna was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in August of 2003.  She had all of the "classic symptoms": bloating (in her case appearing to be 9 months pregnant), stomach pain, frequent urination, and a few more.  Who knew what the symptoms of ovarian cancer were?  Certainly not us.  Most of the symptoms mirror things many women experience on a monthly basis; this is how insidious this disease is.  It used to be known as the "silent killer" however now we know that it is not - it whispers.  If the symptoms persist for more than two weeks, or if a symptom is unusual for you, see a doctor.  Chances are good that it is not ovarian cancer.  But if it is (about 22,000 women are diagnosed each year) and you catch it early you have a 90% chance of survival.  Unfortunately many women aren't diagnosed early and about 15,000 women will die each year.

Getting back to our journey, my wife had an operation that removed a 17 centimeter tumor in her ovary, and without going into too much medical jargon she had everything removed.  Six sessions of chemotherapy followed over the next four months, complete with total hair loss and feeling like a Mack truck had run her over.  That was nine years ago, and our journey since that time has been many check-ups with good news each time.  Not that we did not have a few scares along the way, thinking that the disease had recurred, which it does quite frequently.  I think about those times and they may have been more scary than the original diagnosis.

Knowledge is the key for ovarian cancer.  It can be beat, and it is being beaten every day.  The major problem is that there is no definitive screening test that can be done so women need to be in tune with their bodies and advocate for themselves.  And men, you too need to be aware as well.  Had I known the symptoms back in 2003 I would have insisted that my wife get checked out earlier than what she actually did.  That is why the National Ovarian Cancer Coalition (NOCC) states that ovarian cancer is "more than a woman's disease".  I can certainly vouch for that as it affects everyone in the family.

The mission of the NOCC is to raise awareness and promote education about ovarian cancer.  They are committed to improving the survival rate and quality of life for women with ovarian cancer.  Being a non-profit organization they rely primarily on donations.  September is ovarian cancer awareness month and the Connecticut Chapter of the NOCC is sponsoring their 3rd Annual Run/Walk to Break the Silence on Ovarian Cancer on Saturday September 22, 2012 at Hammonasset Beach State Park beginning at 8 AM.  Not only is it a fundraiser but it is also a celebration of survivors and the memories of those lost to the disease.  It is an event complete with entertainment, vendors of all kinds, food, etc.  The comradery that is felt there cannot be explained; it has to be experienced.  It is a beautiful celebration.  For more information please go to www.ovarian.org, click on find a chapter and click on Connecticut.  You can register the morning of the walk.  If you have any questions or need any other information feel free to email me at tkonline1@sbcglobal.net. 

Prognostications

Have you ever heard of people that can predict the future?  Or for that matter animals that can predict the future?  I did a bit of research on the subject, which for me is painful at best because research is too much like work, but for you my loyal readers, I'll do it. 

Did you know that there is an octopus named Paul that predicts the outcome of the World Cup in soccer?  And me without a bookie to call...however, I thought about it and here's how that call might have gone. Ring, ring, ring, "Yea?"  "Yea, hi Joe?" (In case you were wondering, all bookies are named Joe.  No, I didn't do any research on that subject, just take my word for it.) "Yea, who's dis?"  "This is TK, and I want to place a bet on the World Cup games.  I got a great tip from Paul."  "Who's Paul?" "Um, Paul?  Well, he's an octopus.  Hello?  Hello?"  See?  Even if I wanted to place a bet based on the eight legged sea creature I wouldn't get too far, even with the unwavering morals of a bookie.

Cats have been known to predict the death of individuals - just another reason not to own a cat.  

A sheep in New Zealand correctly predicted the winner of the 2011 Rugby World Cup games.  And no, I did not call my bookie to place a bet on those games - I already learned my lesson from Paul.

A crocodile in Australia predicted their too-close-to-call 2010 election for Prime Minister...then ate the loser.  Can you say "there is no need for a recount"? Australian politics are tough!

And then of course there is the Prognosticator Extraordinaire, Punxsutawney Phil, the weather-predicting groundhog who, according to the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration has been right less than 50% of the time.  Kind of sounds like a meteorologist or two around here.  Did you know that if you predict it is going to be sunny in Boston on any given day you have a 65% chance of being correct?  Another bit of useless dribble offered up by yours truly.

People that make predictions amaze me.  It goes from the aforementioned meteorologist  (which, I'll grant you, is the low risk end of the prediction spectrum) all the way up to the doomsday predictors.  If you believe these people, I have a bridge you may be interested in purchasing.  One thing is certain - if someone says the end of the world is on X day, rest assured that the world will be just fine, thank you, the day after.  There actually is One that knows that date, but He's not sharing.

The latest craze is the Mayan Calendar which, it is said, predicts that the world will end on December 21, 2012.  If I thought there was even a remote possibility of that I would save myself hundreds of dollars in Christmas gifts this year, but alas I hear the ca-ching of future cash registers up to December 24th...not that I am a last minute shopper or anything.  My wife is chiming in right now, but as the Beatles song says "your lips are moving, I cannot hear, your voice is soothing, but the words aren't clear".  Otherwise I would have written what she just said.

I have my own theories on why the Mayan Calendar ends on December 21st of this year. One is that they ran out of parchment to write the rest of the calendar on.  Or that their union went on strike because of the poor labor conditions they had to endure.  Whatever the reason, let me go on record to say we'll see you on December 22nd.  Yes, that is MY prediction.  So the next time you hear from the likes of Nostradamus, Kreskin, or even that rodent Punxsutawney Phil, take it with a grain of salt.  And then do what Joe did to me...hang up!

It Was All In My Head

My legal team has asked me to give you this brief disclaimer concerning this blog you are about to read: If you are squeamish about hospitals, going to the doctors, having operations, etc. you may not want to read any further...you have been warned.  Okay, now I know I have your undivided attention because reading this is like going by the scene of an accident - no one wants to look but everyone does!

Yesterday (Monday) I had an operation to remove a polyp or two from my sinuses.  All right, more like eight kazillion of them.  The abbreviated name of the procedure is Endoscopic Sinus Surgery.  And the only reason I agreed to have this done was so that I could write this blog about the experience.  See, I love my vast audience (hee hee hee) so much that I subjected myself to having this procedure and everything associated with it.  It had nothing to do with the fact that I could no longer breathe out of my nose and that I was quickly becoming a mouth-breathing neanderthal.  Also, as I write this, I am still somewhat under the effects of the anesthesia...it's okay though, because while the post-op directions said not to operate heavy machinery or drive until tomorrow they said nothing about writing a blog.  Of course they did mention not to make any major decisions, so as my own disclaimer I can always say I decided to write this blog while under, shall we say, a medicated state, so nothing I say can be taken seriously.  You're right, then that doesn't make this any different from any other blog I've written!

You may be amazed to know that this was not my first procedure, nor my second - try number five!  Apparently if there is one thing I do well in life it is grow polyps.  Now if I could only harness that power for good...but I digress.  When I first decided to get this done...again...I asked the doctor if he subscribed to the "Buy Four, Get One Free" deal, but alas he does not.  He did say something about needing a new 65 foot Sea Ray Yacht, but that was while I was going under the anesthesia, so I might have misunderstood him...it may have only been 56 feet.

The procedure is done through the nose, normally.  My father in law mentioned that in other countries they do the same procedure, but through a different, shall we say, route?  He implied that rather than a surgeon one would need a proctologist, at a much discounted rate.  No thanks,  Pop, I like my doctor, boat and all!

Friday I called to find out what time to be at the hospital, and they told me 11:00 AM on Monday.  When I asked why I couldn't get an earlier time they said that there were children being operated on first.  To which I replied, "So?"  Yes, I can be an insensitive, mouth-breathing neanderthal when I want to be. They then told me I had more of a chance of getting bumped back verses moved up...my reply?  "Okay, thank you very much." 

So I arrived at 10:50 AM and within 20 minutes was on the gurney with wires stuck to me and an IV stuck in me.  They were running ahead of schedule.  Did you catch that?  They were running AHEAD of schedule! When's the last time THAT happened in the medical field?  And no, they did not bump any kids to get me in earlier.  Apparently the kids complain less and get done quicker than the adults do...go figure.  About two hours later I was in the recovery room with my lovely wife, a bevy of nurses (or was that a nurse named Bev? still groggy) and my new polyp-less nose.

Going back in time, about 34 years ago, I had my first operation.  Back then all of the doctors must have owned stock in the Vaseline Gauze Packing industry because they found it necessary to stick six feet of packing up each nostril.  My wife took one look at me and started to laugh uncontrollably.  I don't remember laughing or even smiling...I was afraid I would break my face or something.  Luckily times have changed and they no longer do that anymore.  So my Financial Tip of the Week is to sell your Vaseline Gauze Packing stock.

Back to present day, I was actually hoping that I would have massive black eyes and things of that nature...why?  Because when someone looks at me in this condition I could say something I've always wanted to say... "Hey, you should see the OTHER guy!!!

Why'd It Have To Be Green?

Have you ever heard of "juicing"?  No, not the kind of juicing that Barry Bonds was accused of - this is of the food variety.  You take perfectly good fruits and vegetables, throw them into a special blender called a juicer that has enough torque to run a John Deere Bulldozer, and in the end you have juice made only of the fruit and/or vegetables that you used.  Nothing other than 100% juice.  And, depending on what recipe you use the juice can actually taste good.  Well, the juice can taste tolerable.  Okay, the stuff tastes like crap, but it's good for you.  Only kidding about the crap part, it's actually not bad.

I began juicing a couple of weeks ago.  Most mornings I have a mixture of a bunch of kale, a head of romaine lettuce, 2 apples, a carrot, a cucumber, celery, and a partridge in a pear tree.  Or was that just a pear from the tree?  Whatever.  While I know it is very good for you I have a question for the Juicing Gurus of the World...Why does it have to be green?  As children we're taught that if there is a green liquid of some kind lurking around in the refrigerator to throw it out...green means it's gone bad.  Kind of like mold on white bread, which you shouldn't eat either - the mold or the white bread, but that's for a future blog.  Think of a very dark green liquid and picture yourself slugging it down first thing in the morning.  Of course you could opt for fruit juice, but where's the challenge in that?

I can't say that I feel much different now than I did a few weeks ago.  I have lost about 10 pounds though, partly because I substituted the drink for the bagel or muffin I normally would have. However, I'm thinking the weekend of diarrhea and not eating three weeks ago gave me a jump start.  By the way, when is the last time you saw the words "diarrhea" and "jump start" in the same sentence?  Only here, my friends.  But I digress.  I know what you're thinking and no, I wasn't sick from juicing, I caught a bug of some sort.  Apparently juicing is supposed to bolster your immune system to help fight off those bugs.  Which I think is ironic because don't bugs normally make their homes on fruits and vegetables?  So now you take those fruits and vegetables bugs lived on, throw them in a juicer, drink the resulting green sludge, and voila, you are immune to the bugs that lived on the stuff you're drinking!  What a country! 

I just made a fruit smoothie for the first time.  It consisted of a frozen banana (try finding THAT at a grocery store), a cup each of frozen peaches, frozen blueberries and a cup or two of almond milk.  Yes, there is such a thing as almond milk, but don't ask me how they make it - I'd rather not know.  You throw it all into a blender and it comes out looking a light purple/blue color, much more appealing to the eye than the green gunk.  It tastes good too...needs sugar though...organic sugar of course.  Not really, as that would defeat the purpose. (I did try adding the sugar, but don't tell my wife...)

I will keep you updated on my progress doing the juicing thing.  I'm just hoping that my skin doesn't turn a lovely shade of green and I begin to look like one of the creatures from the Star Wars bar scene.  It could happen - and if it does, you, my friends, will be the first to know.  Right after my dermatologist.

The Ancient Chinese Art of SHOP - PING

Okay, raise your hands - how many of you love to shop?  My hands are down, and it isn't only because I'm typing this.  I do NOT like to shop.  I know a lot of people either like or love to shop, and for me that is hard to understand.  Kind of like someone that loves horror movies...I never understood that either.  "Come here and let me throw you off of this 76 story building while I stab you. No hard feelings, right?"  THAT'S entertainment?  Now don't get me wrong, I'm not equating shopping to horror movies, but to me they are rather closely related.  You'll understand why as you read further.

There are many different kinds of shopping; there's grocery shopping, clothes shopping, shopping to get things for your house, etc.  (The next two sentences are to be sung to the tune of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.)  "And do you recall......the most famous shopping of all?  Christmas Shopping In The Mall (the mall), empties out your wallet fast..."  Yes, Christmas shopping is the ultimate shopping experience, especially the week before Christmas.  We went to New York City last December to Macy's - THAT was an experience!  Only because we were with good friends of ours was it tolerable. We had to tether ourselves together for fear of being left on the 8th floor next to a display of hot dog and beer ornaments for a red neck Christmas Tree.  They think of everything, don't they?  YEEHAA!!!

I know there are exceptions to this, but for the most part guys hate to shop and women love to shop.  Men and women have totally different styles of shopping too.  Take for instance the shopping cart.  Most guys are careful with the carts in the stores - what I mean by that is they will move the cart over to the side of the aisle while they are looking for things to purchase.  Women?  "Oh, there is that cereal that little Johnny's been screaming for!"  So you leave the cart right in the middle of the aisle to get little Johnny's Sugar Frosted Bite Size Marshmallow Vitamin Enriched O's.  This is wrong on so many levels.  First of all, don't get little Johnny ANYTHING he screams for!  Second of all, Sugar Frosted Bite Size Marshmallow Vitamin Enriched O's is the REASON little Johnny is screaming in the first place!  But lastly, and most importantly, YOU LEFT YOUR STINKIN' CART IN THE MIDDLE OF THE AISLE!!!  Now everything slams to a screeching halt because no one can get past you, and three aisles down things are falling off the shelves because of the  shopping cart accidents this backup has caused.  However, little Johnny will have his sugar fix today!

When I do shop, I do Guy Shopping.  For those of you not familiar with this kind of shopping, it goes like this: figure out what you need to get before you leave, drive to the store, go directly to the items you need, check out and go home.  Depending on how far you live from the store the entire process should only take about 12 minutes or so.  Then there's still time to catch the game on TV.

Speaking of games, Women Shopping is a contact sport.  Not only do you have a lethal weapon in the form of a shopping cart, but apparently many moves that have been banned in World Wrestling Entertainment are perfectly legal here.  Add to that a sign that says "Sale" and there's a recipe for disaster.  I overheard a husband talking to his wife at the checkout - he said "why eight bags of kitty litter?"  She responded "well, it's on sale and it's good to buy in bulk when things go on sale."  And he responded "but we don't even OWN a cat!!!"  See how this gets a tad out of hand?

Let me leave you with a word of advice...don't bother changing lanes before you cash out.  If you weren't in the slow lane originally, when you change lanes you will be now!  And, did you know that the word "siphon" (as in money out of my wallet) is included in the word "shopping"?  Coincidence?  I think not...