Okay, raise your hands - how many of you love to shop? My hands are down, and it isn't only because I'm typing this. I do NOT like to shop. I know a lot of people either like or love to shop, and for me that is hard to understand. Kind of like someone that loves horror movies...I never understood that either. "Come here and let me throw you off of this 76 story building while I stab you. No hard feelings, right?" THAT'S entertainment? Now don't get me wrong, I'm not equating shopping to horror movies, but to me they are rather closely related. You'll understand why as you read further.
There are many different kinds of shopping; there's grocery shopping, clothes shopping, shopping to get things for your house, etc. (The next two sentences are to be sung to the tune of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.) "And do you recall......the most famous shopping of all? Christmas Shopping In The Mall (the mall), empties out your wallet fast..." Yes, Christmas shopping is the ultimate shopping experience, especially the week before Christmas. We went to New York City last December to Macy's - THAT was an experience! Only because we were with good friends of ours was it tolerable. We had to tether ourselves together for fear of being left on the 8th floor next to a display of hot dog and beer ornaments for a red neck Christmas Tree. They think of everything, don't they? YEEHAA!!!
I know there are exceptions to this, but for the most part guys hate to shop and women love to shop. Men and women have totally different styles of shopping too. Take for instance the shopping cart. Most guys are careful with the carts in the stores - what I mean by that is they will move the cart over to the side of the aisle while they are looking for things to purchase. Women? "Oh, there is that cereal that little Johnny's been screaming for!" So you leave the cart right in the middle of the aisle to get little Johnny's Sugar Frosted Bite Size Marshmallow Vitamin Enriched O's. This is wrong on so many levels. First of all, don't get little Johnny ANYTHING he screams for! Second of all, Sugar Frosted Bite Size Marshmallow Vitamin Enriched O's is the REASON little Johnny is screaming in the first place! But lastly, and most importantly, YOU LEFT YOUR STINKIN' CART IN THE MIDDLE OF THE AISLE!!! Now everything slams to a screeching halt because no one can get past you, and three aisles down things are falling off the shelves because of the shopping cart accidents this backup has caused. However, little Johnny will have his sugar fix today!
When I do shop, I do Guy Shopping. For those of you not familiar with this kind of shopping, it goes like this: figure out what you need to get before you leave, drive to the store, go directly to the items you need, check out and go home. Depending on how far you live from the store the entire process should only take about 12 minutes or so. Then there's still time to catch the game on TV.
Speaking of games, Women Shopping is a contact sport. Not only do you have a lethal weapon in the form of a shopping cart, but apparently many moves that have been banned in World Wrestling Entertainment are perfectly legal here. Add to that a sign that says "Sale" and there's a recipe for disaster. I overheard a husband talking to his wife at the checkout - he said "why eight bags of kitty litter?" She responded "well, it's on sale and it's good to buy in bulk when things go on sale." And he responded "but we don't even OWN a cat!!!" See how this gets a tad out of hand?
Let me leave you with a word of advice...don't bother changing lanes before you cash out. If you weren't in the slow lane originally, when you change lanes you will be now! And, did you know that the word "siphon" (as in money out of my wallet) is included in the word "shopping"? Coincidence? I think not...
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)