Dog Gone it!

Do any of you own a puppy?  Do any of you WANT to own a puppy?  We just happen to have one.  Only kidding, we paid too much to give the little guy away.  But make me an offer.  Did I say that out loud?

As some of you know, about a month or so ago we became the proud parents of Archie, a 3 pound Shih Tzu.  Of course everyone has fun with the name of the breed because it sounds like, well, it sounds like something Archie is very good at doing.  Puppies as a whole do not eat or drink - they refuel.  Which makes house training a real pleasure.  They live to run around like crazy and "go" wherever possible.  I've found that most puppies prefer the rug to a hardwood floor as it makes it more of a challenge for the owner.  Because that's what owning a puppy is all about; challenges.  I have a theory as to why God made puppies so cute...so when their little accidents happen your're not tempted to throw them out with the "accident".

Archie is a good puppy though.  For the most part he sleeps through the night in his kennel.  But about three nights a week we hear "whine, whine, whine" which in puppy-speak either means "I have to go outside" or "I already went and don't feel like laying in it all night."  Either way it demands your immediate attention.  We're trying to bell train him - we have a bell hanging off of the front door handle and every time we bring him out we ring the bell with his paw.  He actually rang the bell earlier today and when I turned around to look he was eating it.  He loves toys and he thinks this is just another one.  I try telling him what it is for but he just looks at me and tilts his head.  You know, the way that all dogs do when you talk gibberish to them?  Did you know that gibberish is an actual language from the country Gibber?  It is one of the countries that emerged when the Soviet Union dissolved.  Don't bother looking it up, though...just don't.

Our older dog Lily wants nothing to do with this wild thing we call Archie.  When Archie sees her he goes crazy, jumping straight up in the air like a gazelle to play with her.  She retaliates by growling and snapping at him...rather unladylike.  So we have to keep them separated.  I can't blame Lily because she has owned the house for over 14 years, and to share it with, well, with a wild thing is NOT her idea of a good time.  Everyone keeps telling me that she will lighten up and things will get better.  Okay, how about you come over to referee a few rounds and give my wife and I a break?

Archie is easily distracted when outside to do his business.  He could be all set to make it happen (after smelling miles of grass and finding the proper spot) when a car comes by and all of the progress made up to that point goes away as he watches the car, and forgets what he was doing.  A word to our neighbors - I will be putting spike strips on either end of our road when the dog is outside.  Don't say you haven't been warned.  And if you want to get by you will have to ring a bell.  Hey, if it's good enough for my dog it's good enough for you!

'Tis The (allergy) Season

Welcome one and all to Allergy Season.  That time of the year where you may feel okay but your face looks like someone just pepper-sprayed you.  You know, runny nose, watery eyes, foaming at the mouth...all telltale signs that something is just not right.  And all you did was walk outside - it just ain't fair.  Luckily there are well over a thousand products on the market to take care of the symptoms.  (Side note: if you ARE foaming at the mouth, might I recommend a quick trip to the ER?  I would give you a ride but I'm busy that day.)

I consider myself somewhat of an expert on the subject of allergies.  Anyone that knows me knows that I have had 5 surgeries on my sinuses (what's left of them anyway) mostly caused by, you guessed it, allergies.  I figure with all of my experiences over the past 35 plus years with allergy symptoms, doctor visits and operations, I am one college course short of being a board certified Otolaryngologist.  However, a number of years ago my allergist gave me a diagnosis that no one has ever heard of.  It seems I have Samter's Syndrome.  Samter's Syndrome is the combination of three symptoms, which are nasal polyps, an allergy to aspirin, and asthma.  Of course there is no cure for this syndrome.  My first reaction to this was "then why even call it a syndrome?"  All I keep thinking is that guy back in the 1920's probably made a lot of money by lumping together three symptoms. Then I started identifying things and creating my own syndromes.  Here's one:  a couch, coffee table and recliner...Furniture Syndrome.  Or, a dirty diaper, projectile vomiting and a 3 AM feeding...Baby Syndrome.  Okay, now where's MY money?

Allergies are funny things.  You can be allergic to the environment, animals, food or drugs to name a few.  (Side note - I just sneezed...you can't make this stuff up!  Well, maybe you can, but this time it was true!)  I can claim ownership to all four.  Supposedly I am allergic to dust, most animals that have fur, strawberries and aspirin.  So a bad day for me would consist of being licked by a German Shepherd while eating strawberry shortcake laced with aspirin in a dirty house.  Out of all of those things I am allergic to, I'll bet that most of you are saying "wow, he can't eat strawberries?"  I haven't had one since I was five years old and became one big hive.  Of course no one cares that if I had an aspirin it is an instant trip to the ER...maybe because I could not give you a ride when you foaming at the mouth.  You know what they say about payback...

It is interesting to note that most of my allergy problems began a few years after high school, around 1977...July of 1977...July 29, 1977.  A pure coincidence that I was married on that day.  I have to go now, it is dinner time.  What's that honey?  We're having a mystery dessert tonight?  Hmmm, I wonder what it could be...