The Ancient Chinese Art of SHOP - PING

Okay, raise your hands - how many of you love to shop?  My hands are down, and it isn't only because I'm typing this.  I do NOT like to shop.  I know a lot of people either like or love to shop, and for me that is hard to understand.  Kind of like someone that loves horror movies...I never understood that either.  "Come here and let me throw you off of this 76 story building while I stab you. No hard feelings, right?"  THAT'S entertainment?  Now don't get me wrong, I'm not equating shopping to horror movies, but to me they are rather closely related.  You'll understand why as you read further.

There are many different kinds of shopping; there's grocery shopping, clothes shopping, shopping to get things for your house, etc.  (The next two sentences are to be sung to the tune of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.)  "And do you recall......the most famous shopping of all?  Christmas Shopping In The Mall (the mall), empties out your wallet fast..."  Yes, Christmas shopping is the ultimate shopping experience, especially the week before Christmas.  We went to New York City last December to Macy's - THAT was an experience!  Only because we were with good friends of ours was it tolerable. We had to tether ourselves together for fear of being left on the 8th floor next to a display of hot dog and beer ornaments for a red neck Christmas Tree.  They think of everything, don't they?  YEEHAA!!!

I know there are exceptions to this, but for the most part guys hate to shop and women love to shop.  Men and women have totally different styles of shopping too.  Take for instance the shopping cart.  Most guys are careful with the carts in the stores - what I mean by that is they will move the cart over to the side of the aisle while they are looking for things to purchase.  Women?  "Oh, there is that cereal that little Johnny's been screaming for!"  So you leave the cart right in the middle of the aisle to get little Johnny's Sugar Frosted Bite Size Marshmallow Vitamin Enriched O's.  This is wrong on so many levels.  First of all, don't get little Johnny ANYTHING he screams for!  Second of all, Sugar Frosted Bite Size Marshmallow Vitamin Enriched O's is the REASON little Johnny is screaming in the first place!  But lastly, and most importantly, YOU LEFT YOUR STINKIN' CART IN THE MIDDLE OF THE AISLE!!!  Now everything slams to a screeching halt because no one can get past you, and three aisles down things are falling off the shelves because of the  shopping cart accidents this backup has caused.  However, little Johnny will have his sugar fix today!

When I do shop, I do Guy Shopping.  For those of you not familiar with this kind of shopping, it goes like this: figure out what you need to get before you leave, drive to the store, go directly to the items you need, check out and go home.  Depending on how far you live from the store the entire process should only take about 12 minutes or so.  Then there's still time to catch the game on TV.

Speaking of games, Women Shopping is a contact sport.  Not only do you have a lethal weapon in the form of a shopping cart, but apparently many moves that have been banned in World Wrestling Entertainment are perfectly legal here.  Add to that a sign that says "Sale" and there's a recipe for disaster.  I overheard a husband talking to his wife at the checkout - he said "why eight bags of kitty litter?"  She responded "well, it's on sale and it's good to buy in bulk when things go on sale."  And he responded "but we don't even OWN a cat!!!"  See how this gets a tad out of hand?

Let me leave you with a word of advice...don't bother changing lanes before you cash out.  If you weren't in the slow lane originally, when you change lanes you will be now!  And, did you know that the word "siphon" (as in money out of my wallet) is included in the word "shopping"?  Coincidence?  I think not...

Resolutions-R-Us

New Year's resolutions.  We all know someone that has resolved to do or not to do something for the new year...maybe it is you.  Have you noticed that most of the time those resolutions go by the boards in the days or weeks that follow January 1st?  Not to worry, my friends, I am here to help.  That alone will make at least some of you leery to make any resolutions.  (There, I said it before you had the chance to.  If your New Year's resolution is to stop offending people, I just gave you a running start!)

For those of you who have never made a New Year's resolution, you have to at least try it.  Why should the rest of us be miserable when you too can join our ranks?  C'mon, you can never have enough failure in your life, right?  But this blog is about exactly the opposite - it is about overcoming the fears and anxieties of making resolutions so you are successful in whatever you decide to resolve to do.  So let's give this a shot, shall we?

First of all, the resolutions that most of us make are things such as losing weight, stop smoking, get more exercise, reduce stress in your life, etc.  Most experts agree (don't you love that line "most experts agree"?  It instantly makes the person saying it sound like they know what they are talking about, or sound like they have done extensive research into the subject and found a consensus among the experts and are reporting it as the gospel truth.  Let's get it straight right now, you KNOW I don't have time to do research, so the line "most experts agree" is totally worthless.  However, because I want to make this sound like I know what I am talking about I will use it just the same...back to the blog).

Most experts agree that in order to keep a resolution you have to make it a habit, and a habit normally takes six weeks or more to develop.  Therein lies the problem.  Who has six weeks to do anything?  So what we need to do is develop a habit in, say, 10 seconds or so.  And of course I have the solution.  Ready?  STOP IT!  That's the solution...STOP IT!  When you are getting ready to reach for that 5th piece of pumpkin pie smothered in whipped cream with a caramel mocha cappuccino chaser just tell yourself STOP IT!  Mission accomplished.  When you are getting ready to light up a cigarette just STOP IT!  When you are lacing up your sneakers to go for a walk to get more exercise, just STOP IT!  Wait a minute, I just found a little flaw in my solution - guess I'll have to work on that.

What we all need to do is to come up with resolutions that we can keep.  Here's an example:  let's say your New Year's resolution is to reduce stress by taking a trip.  And let's say you have no food in your house.  The solution?  Take a trip to the grocery store which will not only take care of the food dilemma, but you will have also fulfilled your resolution to take a trip, thus giving you less stress!  See how easy this can be?  Or how about this one?  You want to resolve to save money this year, and also resolve to keep in touch with friends  more...two excellent resolutions.  Invite yourself over to a different friend's house each night, right around supper time.  Not only will your food bill dramatically decrease, you will be seeing friends just like you resolved to do! 

And let's not forget - if your resolution is to get in shape, round is a shape!

Of course the easiest way to not fail at a resolution is to not make any in the first place.  That's no fun.  I want everyone to pick at least one New Year's resolution and beginning January 1st stick to it and see what happens.  You may surprise yourself by losing weight, getting in shape, reducing your bills, etc.  Have I resolved to do anything?  Of course, what kind of person would I be if I myself did not take my own advice?  Here are a few of my resolutions:  watch more TV, eat more fried foods, double up on dessert and take more naps - at work.  Guess it's time to take my own advice...STOP IT!  Happy New Year everyone!

Christmas Carols

I've been listening to the radio and most of the stations are playing Christmas Carols - which makes sense because Christmas is right around the corner.  In case you were wondering, this year Christmas falls on December 25th.  So in honor of the Christmas holiday I decided to listen, really listen, to the lyrics of some of these songs.  While the majority of the Carols are nice, inspirational or somewhat fun, the balance are, well, not.

For me, the Christmas music season doesn't begin until I hear an Andy Williams song such as "It's the Most Wonderful  Time of the Year".  After I hear that I've had enough, and I tune into the sports station.  Nah, not really.  But there are stations that, from Thanksgiving through Christmas day, play nothing but Christmas Carols wall-to-wall, 24/7.  And you gotta figure, with all of that time to play music, there has to be at least one or two or dozens of duds among the good music that is there just to fill some time.  Basing our calculations on 744 hours of available time, and figuring in the car sales commercials and news blips every hour, let's estimate the time allotted for music is about 29,760 minutes.  The average Christmas Carol is roughly 3 minutes long, so that means that radio stations play, on average, 9,920 Christmas Carols during the Christmas season!  Now, I don't care how much you like these songs, there has to be one or two among the almost 10,000 Carols that you may not like.  I know a few of you are saying to yourselves "only one or two?  How about 9,919 of them?", leaving room, of course, for Andy Williams' "It's the Most Wonderful  Time of the Year".  Grinches, every one of you!!!

Here are just a few of the gems that are out there.  The old classic "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" is beloved by most kids and adults alike, but have you ever really listened to the words?  "All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names, they never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games."  Are ya kidding me?  What a bunch of brats!  Oh, but then, Santa asks him to guide his sleigh and immediately "then all the reindeer loved him..."  Who knew that reindeer were such a fickle, brown-nosing group of animals? (My wife just reminded me that Rudolph has a red nose...since she's not allowed to be funnier than me I will claim I thought of that myself.)  Santa should have benched the reindeer that were making fun of Rudolph for a year and see how THEY liked it!  Benched the reindeer...maybe I should start listening to more Christmas music and less sports radio, eh?

Another song that I wonder about is  "We Wish You a Merry Christmas".  Sounds innocent enough, right?  Wrong!  Listen to some of the words.  "Oh bring us some figgy pudding, oh bring us some figgy pudding, oh bring us some figgy pudding and a cup of good cheer".  Don't you love guests that demand not once but three times for you to bring them something?  Oh, but it gets better..."We won't go until we get some, we won't go until we get some,we won't go until we get some,so bring some out here".  Did you know there is a second verse to the song?  It goes "Just get out of my house now, just get out of my house now, just get out of my house now, but leave the presents here!"  Ungrateful snobs, I'll show you.  A bit rude, I grant you, but justified all the same.

Of course there are the songs that are designed to be a bit ridiculous, such as "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer".  My guess is it was one of the reindeer that Santa should have benched...but I digress.  Another classic is "All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth"...I won't even comment on that one.  Then there's "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus".  Did you know that when that came out there was major controversy over the meaning of the song?  Oh how times have changed!

Granted, there are hundreds of Christmas carols, but most radio stations play a limited number of them, so the likelihood of hearing one of these classics is very good.  I know you may be thinking what a Scrooge I must be, pointing out flaws in Christmas music.  Not true.  I am forced to write this stuff down, otherwise I might explode, and although that may be acceptable for a Fourth of July celebration, on Christmas it just won't fly.  Kind of like the reindeer that Santa should bench.

Let me leave you with this.  My favorite Christmas special on TV is "A Charlie Brown Christmas" because it is the only one I've ever seen that gives the actual meaning of Christmas.  And in this politically correct world we live in (don't get me started about that) it is still refreshing that every year Linus quotes the Bible regarding the birth of Christ, and gives the real meaning behind Christmas.  The clip, of course, is on You Tube.  So if you find yourself up against the grinches and Scrooges of the world, or you get depressed listening to the lyrics of Christmas Carols (thanks to yours truly), remember the words of Linus van Pelt and the real meaning of Christmas.  We here at TK's Random Thoughts wish each and every one of you a Merry Christmas and a happy holiday season.

Veterans Day

Every year on November 11th we celebrate the men and women who have selflessly served in the United States military.  Originally this was the date was called "Armistice Day" commemorating the armistice between Germany and the allied nations ending World War I.  Armistice Day was originally meant to honor those who served in that war, however the decision was made in 1954 to change to name to "Veterans Day" which was meant to honor all American veterans regardless of when or where they had served.  Each year the President issues a Proclamation which officially proclaims November 11th as Veterans Day.

In honor of Veterans Day most federal offices are closed - and as with other holidays such as Memorial Day and Independence Day I often wonder if the people who have that day off actually ever think of the reason for the closings.  When was the last time you thanked a veteran for their service to their country?  I hope you have, and I hope it was recently.  A story comes to mind that my son told me.  He is in the Air Force Air National Guard and talked to me about a train trip he took from CT to his base in MA a few years back.  He was dressed in his fatigues (camouflage uniform) which is the way they travel to and from their monthly drill.  As he was getting on the train a woman came up to him and said "thank you for your service to our country".  I believe he responded by saying something like "you're welcome" and I know he was a bit embarrassed by the event, but I know he will always remember it and be grateful that someone loved this country and its military enough to thank him for his service.

I have also seen times at airports where troops are returning home from overseas, and as they come into the airport from the plane sporadic applause breaks out among the people in the airport.  I love hearing about that.  If Vietnam taught us one thing it is to respect the men and women that selflessly defend and serve our country day in and day out.  Those veterans did not earn any of the ridicule they received on their return home, and I believe it is important to let them know that by giving them our thanks whenever we can.

So this Veterans Day, and any other day you think to, please thank a veteran for his or her service to our country.  All of the God given freedoms of this great land have been bought and paid for by our veterans.  The number one function of the federal government is to keep our people safe; that is accomplished by having a strong military both here and, when necessary, abroad.  When speaking of our military, an unknown author once penned "Whether active duty, retired, national guard or reserve - is someone who, at one point in their life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America", for an amount of "up to and including my life."  Many years ago, my wife and I were at my son's graduation from basic training at Lackland Air Force Base in San Antonio Texas, and this was brought home to us in a very real way during their Oath of Enlistment.  I unfortunately do not remember the exact words, but they pledged to defend this country if need be with their lives.  That shook me to my core - of course because I was hearing my son say these words, but also because of the hundreds of other airmen that were saying the same thing...and meaning it.

How about this for an idea?  Grab a veteran (be easy though!) and buy him or her a cup of coffee.  Or,  just merely thank them for their service.  Will they be embarrassed?  Perhaps.  But, as with my son, it is something they will probably remember for the rest of their lives.  To everyone who has served, such as my father in law, and my two friends named Jim, and to those who presently serve, thank you for what you have done and what you do for our country.  We owe you more than can be repaid.  Happy Veterans Day!

Words

How in the world can anyone that hasn't spoken English since birth actually learn the language?  And before you start ranking on me, I know kids cannot speak English when they are first born, it's a figure of speech.  They do, however, speak fluent Scream.  The female of the species will continue to speak Scream throughout their lives while the male of the species will only speak Scream on unique occasions, such as when your team wins the World Series for the first time in 86 years.  I'm still a bit horse from October of 2004!

Okay, how many of you caught the word "horse" in the last sentence?  Obviously one cannot be horse, but one can be hoarse, unless you are a horse, because a horse can't be hoarse.  (Sounds like a verse from the TV show "Mr. Ed", doesn't it? If you are younger than 50 years old, just trust me, it does.)  Have you ever thought about how many words in the English language either sound exactly the same or are spelled the same with totally different meanings?  I doubt you have, so it is a good thing you tuned into this blog as I have done the thinking for you.  A scary thought, I know, but true none the less. 

Homophone.  That's the name of a word that is pronounced the same as another but has a different meaning.  I'll bet you didn't even know that those words had a name, did you?  See the things you learn here?  By the time you finish reading this blog you will have earned 12 college credits which will be transferable to any major college in the United States...if you actually read all thirty-something blogs you will have earned the equivalent of a full fledged college degree...a BS, of  course.

Back to the words.  Here's a sample paragraph that illustrates just how confusing our language can be:

I like to right.  I no some people are board with reading so ewe don't have to reed this if you don't want two - it is up to you to chews weather or knot too.  Ore, you can dew something different, like talk on you're sell phone...or knot.  Go dew what you are lead two do.  Ewe can paint the sealing, clean the seller (witch may take you a few daze), have a bowl of serial, wash you're feat, oar pick sum flours - butt not in the reign.  Whatever you choose two due, bee my guessed.

With all of the different words, spellings and meanings, I thought to myself "how can anyone learn English"?   Then I thought to myself "you gotta stop thinking, this is getting too exhausting".  To the person that only speaks English other languages are very confusing.  Take Chinese, for instance.  The word for "Chinese" in Chinese is 中国 and is pronounced something like "chun coa".  The word for "Swedish" in Swedish is 中国 and at first glance looks remarkably like the Chinese rendition of "Chinese".  Actually the "copy & paste" option on my laptop didn't work quite right...let's try that again, shall we?  The Swedish word for "Swedish" is "Svenska".  Speaking of Swedish, they have some interesting words too.  The Swedish word for "glass" is "glos" (pronounced gloss) while the Swedish word for ice cream is literally "glass".  Can you see the danger in ordering dessert there?

Even English words are often times not pronounced as they are written.  Words like "honor" should be pronounced as ha-onor.  Or how about "ballet"?  That should be pronounced ballot, however since there already was a word called ballot some genius decided to make the "et" sound like an "a".  The city of Worcester is pronounced "wooster".  The town of Occum is also pronounced "wooster"...who knew?

Most people don't know that I am multilingual, meaning I can swear in 18 different languages.  Actually that's not true...only in about 12.  Why is it that when someone meets another person who speaks a different language, the first question isn't "how do you say 'how are you' in your language" but "how do you say $#!%"?  Don't deny it, you know you've done that.  Someone once said swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting.  Rather than swearing, running or fighting, I think I'll use the only other alternative to get my point across...the language Scream!  WADDYA THINK, HUH?!?

Two Walks, a Wedding and McDreamy

It's been a busy few weeks here at TK's Random Thoughts!  The weekend of September 24th was wicked busy to coin a phrase.  There were two Walks to Break the Silence on Ovarian Cancer, ours here in Connecticut and the other in Rhode Island.  And sandwiched in between our "fourth son" got married to his beautiful bride...it was quite the weekend.  My congratulations to Rashaun and Jen!!!  Their smiles lit up the place more than any bright lights could have.

I know, ladies, all that is well and good but what about McDreamy???  You'll have to wait for it.  (Oh the joys of being a writer and having the power to make people wait for things.)  What's that?  They can skip to the end rather than read the entire blog?  Oh pullease, no one would EVER do that to one of MY blogs!  Right???

If you have never attended a Walk/Run to Break the Silence, first of all, shame on you!  However, if you have never heard of them I will give you a pass - and tell you that next year's CT walk is scheduled for Saturday September 22nd so now you have no excuse!  The walks are to raise funds for the National Ovarian Cancer Coalition (NOCC) whose mission is to raise awareness and promote education about ovarian cancer.  Their goal is not to raise money for research as there are other organizations that do a good job with that.  Rather, educating women and men across the country about the disease is what they do and they do it very well.  You see, since there is no definitive screening test for ovarian cancer it is very important to know the symptoms because, if caught early, the five year survival rate is over 90%.  However, if it is only diagnosed in later stages the prognosis is poor.  Of the roughly 20,000 women who are diagnosed each year with ovarian cancer about 15,000 will die.  This is why education about the disease is so vitally important.  I urge you to take a moment and go to www.ovarian.org and learn more about this.  Many of you know why my wife and I are involved with this great organization as she is an 8 year survivor of the disease, so this is personal to us.  Go look at the website RIGHT NOW!  I'll wait..........but don't forget to come back!

Glad to have you back.  Briefly back to the walks then we'll get to McDreamy.  The walks are a beautiful testimonial to the women and their families who have gone through the battle with ovarian cancer, are presently going through the battle, or who have lost their battle with the disease.  All I can tell you is to try to attend a walk near you as they are located throughout the United States, mostly in September.  The stories you will hear, the education you will receive, and the laughter and tears are all part of a wonderful day of celebration, remembrance and love that you have to experience for yourself.

OK, ladies, you have been patient.  My wife now works for the NOCC and one of her functions as the Faces of Hope Program Coordinator for newly diagnosed women is to visit hospitals and sometimes man a booth (or would that be WOman a booth?) at different locations throughout the U.S.  One such event occurred the weekend of October 8th in Maine which is known as the Dempsey Challenge.  This is an annual event in Lewiston Maine which raises money for the Patrick Dempsey Center for Cancer Hope and Healing.  Dempsey started the center in honor of his mother who is a survivor of ovarian cancer, and their services are free of charge so events such as this are very important.  My wife and two of her colleagues attended the event for the NOCC.  And if you haven't figured it out yet (yeah, right) Patrick Dempsey plays Dr. Derek Shepherd, aka Dr. McDreamy, on the TV show Grey's Anatomy.  Did they get to meet him?  You tell me...

You know, now that this guy had his picture taken with Madonna, Ronni and Donna I'll bet he becomes famous...how can he miss?  Let's see, if I photoshop him out and put my picture in maybe I'll have a shot at becoming famous!  Nah, who needs it.  Besides, does McDreamy write a blog that is read in Latvia?

10 Years Later - A Tribute

I posted this last night but I wanted also to post it today, on this solemn anniversary.

There are moments that seem to make time stand still; some good and some bad.  Those of us who are of age remember exactly where we were and what we were doing on November 22, 1963 when President John F. Kennedy was shot.  I was seven years old and in school when the janitor came into our classroom to tell the teacher, who began to cry silently.  We then heard the news over the PA system.  I knew at the time that this was a big event, and as time passed it became a defining moment in America.  Most of us also remember the evening of July 20, 1969 when the crew of Apollo 11 became the first humans to land on the surface of the moon.  This event made the name Neil Armstrong a household name.  It was a proud moment in our nation's history, and I remember watching this on TV in amazement.  There were, of course, many other events that helped shape the United States dating back to the birth of our nation back in 1776.  One such event occurred exactly 10 years ago today, and if you are too young to remember the assassination of JFK or even the first moon landing, the events of September 11, 2001 are probably seared into your memory.

As with any other momentous event, everyone probably remembers exactly where they were and what they were doing on that beautiful sunny morning.  I had just completed setting up an insurance program for a local logging company when I noticed that all of the other employees of the agency were standing around in shock talking to one another.  From that moment through the rest of the day the phone did not ring, except for family members checking in.  Since our agency normally received about 50 calls a day, this fact alone was a telling statement of the significance of the events of that day.

We Americans are an interesting group of people.  Thousands of people pass each other on the streets of large cities and towns without even acknowledging one another...that's just the way it is.  We do not consider that rude;  to quote a good friend of mine, "it is what it is!"  However, on that day, when the United States of America stared directly into the face of pure evil, people all across the nation got together to do whatever it was they could do.  Many lined up to give blood at local blood banks, and most donated what money they could to organizations such as the Red Cross to help in whatever efforts they could provide. Days later I remember dropping donations into a fireman's boot at the exit of a local shopping mall, which caused a back-up of traffic leaving the mall...and not one person complained; rather, each gave what they could, very patiently.

I purposely do not want to relive the specific events of that day as we remember all too well what happened in New York City, Washington DC and in Pennsylvania.  Rather, my wish, my prayer, for the country is to never forget what happened and to continue to fight the war on terrorism.  The nearly 3,000 innocent people that perished that day did not die in vain.  The thousands of soldiers that have died since that day have not died in vain.  Our way of life, the very soul of this country was shaken to the core that day.  Because of that, we cannot stand by complacent, hoping that nothing else will happen.  We must, however, continue to go about our normal business with family, friends and business partners, but we must also remain vigilant.

So on this day let us remember the scores of people who died and those who gave their lives, and continue to give their lives, in the battle over the evil in this world.  And let us also remember that on that day we as a people did not roll over and cower in fright, but rather we, beginning with the brave heroes on Flight 93, began to take up the challenge against the powers in this world that would do us harm.  Let's continue the good fight, and may God Bless the United States of America.