I have heard "minor surgery" defined as surgery that someone else is having. So by that definition I have never had minor surgery. Besides which, there are no bragging rights in minor surgery anyway so for the purposes of this blog let's suffice it to say that I have had many major surgeries. Since my childhood, when the hospitals were lit by candlelight and doctors still made house calls (one of those statements is actually true), I have had eight surgeries. I won't bore you with all the details, because if I did then I would have to listen to all of YOUR surgery stories (minor surgeries of course), but suffice it to say that five of the eight involved the removal of nasal polyps. Apparently I am very good at growing them, to be harvested at a later date, but enough of that. My latest two surgeries had to do with the eyes...cataract surgery.
First things first; the word is cataract, not catarac. If you have had this surgery and still cannot pronounce the word correctly, it does not count as a surgery for you (minor surgery of course) and you therefore lose all rights to talk about it. I just survived my second cataract surgery and I am thankful for one thing - that I am not a mother, because if I were I would still have two more eyes to go. Anyone who has been a child and was caught doing something wrong by your mother while her head was turned knows exactly what I am talking about.
I spoke to a number of different people about cataract surgery and most of their responses were something like "it's no problem, 10 minutes and you're done". Technically that is true, but since they all had minor surgery I knew they could not relate to what I was about to go through...major surgery, twice! The Cliff Notes version of the operation is to remove the lens in your eye and replace it with another lens which will allow you to see better. Over three million of these minor surgeries are done annually with only two this year considered to be major surgery, both of which were mine.
If you decide to have this minor surgery performed, know this...eye drops will take over your world beginning three days prior to surgery and a month afterwards. In my case I had three different eye drops, one to be taken once a day, one three times a day and one four times a day. And, if you have both eyes done within two weeks of each other as I did, you can double the eye drop schedule. I am currently patenting a hat which when worn will apply eye drops at a predetermined time to a predetermined eye. So far all it does is spray you in the face, which is fine as long as you have only one eye open and your mouth shut, which, for many people, is nearly impossible (the mouth shut part...you know who you are).
I am going to end this blog for the evening until tomorrow, because my left eye is still dilated after my latest major surgery and thus I cannot tell if the surgery worked or if the doctor just needed a new Lamborghini.
Back again, eye no longer dilated...which is good because having only one eye dilated, a ton of people came up to me asking if I had a traumatic brain injury. I told them no worse than normal - they left me alone after that. Anyway, I can see a little better out of my eye, as opposed to, oh I don't know, seeing a little better out of my elbow. So my suggestion to you if you ever need cataract surgery is to get used to using the eye drops. I think the doctor told me if I didn't use them that my eyes would explode, or something like that. And of course you have nothing to be worried about, seeing as how you will only be having minor surgery.
Saturday, August 9, 2014
Saturday, January 4, 2014
The Uncommon Cold
Okay, first off let me start by saying that I live in Canterbury, Connecticut, about 11 miles north of Norwich. I don't live in Caribou, Maine or in Saskatchewan (yup, had to look that one up), Canada, so it is not fair to hear from any of my friends that live north of me as this blog does not apply to you...only because the temperature numbers I will be using will be laughable by your standards. So just bear with me as I try to prove a point to everyone south of latitude 41.7° North, 72° West, which is right here in my living room. Interesting that they use the degree symbol for both location as well as temperature, eh? Confusing the two could become, well, confusing. I can hear it now: "Where did you say you were located?" "41.7° North, 72° West." "I don't care about the temperature, tell me where you are! How can it be 41° AND 72° at the same time?" I know a few people that would ask that question. However, if you are reading this blog you are not one of those people because you are way too intelligent, so not to worry. Like how I got out of that one? Speaking of Canada, much of our cold weather comes down from Canada, so someone should consider weatherstripping the border.
In over 30 years here the lowest temperature every recorded at my house was -12° back a long time ago. It was so long ago that I remember I was cleaning up dinosaur poop from my front lawn...but I digress. As I write this, we here in the northeast are expecting record low temperatures tonight. It is all over the news, and when the weather is the first story on the news it is never good news (or good weather for that matter). Those of you that know me know that I am a Weather Aficionado, which is one college credit from being a meteorologist. All I am missing is an actual degree in meteorology. Again with a degree? I'm telling you, the weather is everywhere! And if you know me at all you know that I loathe the cold weather. The only time that I put up with it is if we're going to have a record breaking event such as tonight's cold temps, or a blizzard that produces over 20 inches of snow. Otherwise, give me 90° with high humidity verses a temperature that begins with a minus sign. Although at one time I was considering getting a job in the Arctic during the winter because the days are so short I would only have to work about an hour a week. But after considering what I could (or dare I say couldn't do) in my spare time I quickly nixed that idea. Sadly, work ethic didn't even enter into the equation.
As I write this the temperature outside is 6°. It is so cold the garbage is begging me not to take it out. I will not be publishing this blog until tomorrow, so I will have an up-to-the-minute report before I end to let you know if we broke the existing record of -12°. If not I will be one unhappy camper.
Well, the coldest it got here today was at about 5 AM with a reading of -10° which is 2° shy of the record. So that ended up being the second coldest reading here in the century or two that we have lived here. Better luck next time. Oh, by the way, in case you are wondering why we are having this cold spell, there is only one reason; my wood stove decided to kick the proverbial bucket so this winter we're depending on good old electric heat. I got my first bill a week ago...and I have opened up an account called "If You Want To Donate To A Large Electric Bill Feel Free". Donations of all denominations are accepted, especially ones with the name "Benjamin" in them! Happy Heating Everyone!
Well, the coldest it got here today was at about 5 AM with a reading of -10° which is 2° shy of the record. So that ended up being the second coldest reading here in the century or two that we have lived here. Better luck next time. Oh, by the way, in case you are wondering why we are having this cold spell, there is only one reason; my wood stove decided to kick the proverbial bucket so this winter we're depending on good old electric heat. I got my first bill a week ago...and I have opened up an account called "If You Want To Donate To A Large Electric Bill Feel Free". Donations of all denominations are accepted, especially ones with the name "Benjamin" in them! Happy Heating Everyone!
Thursday, November 7, 2013
Leaves, Sleep, and the Boston Red Sox
Unless you just crawled out from under a rock you have probably heard that the Boston Red Sox won the World Series and are now the World Champions! Okay, technically they are not "World" Champions - the official title is "World Series Champions", however for the purposes of this blog the Red Sox are the World Champions...live with it!
By now you may have also heard some of the story lines of their victory: their beards, their clubhouse comradery, and the fact that last year they came in dead last and this year they won it all, better known as Worst to First! However, you haven't heard it from me, so here goes. (But first a note to my New York Yankee friends - do you know what the "NY" on your hats stands for? Not Yet. Just thought I would throw that one in...and no, I don't want to talk about how many world series titles each team has because, frankly, it's not relevant to our conversation today. However, feel free to write your own blog and I'll be happy to read all about it!)
This victory was sweet this year for many reasons, not the least of which is that we have suffered through two horrific years of fried chicken, beer and Bobby Valentine! If you aren't a Sox fan you probably have no idea what I am talking about, but suffice it to say that it wasn't pretty. This year all we had to put up with were some beards that looked, well, for the most part, just a bit shabby. A small price to pay to become World Champions.
So why the title "Leaves, Sleep and the Boston Red Sox"? It is simply a matter of priorities. It isn't every year that the Red Sox get into the playoffs or the World Series, but every October the leaves fall and need to be raked up. Therefore, leaves keep (kinda like dust) so they will still be there in November. And I figure who needs sleep in October? November was made for that too. So feel free to stop by our house at any time and you may be lucky enough to spot me in the front yard, leaning on my rake fast asleep, in my Red Sox Champions of the Universe tee shirt. Hey, it could be true...do you know of any other planet that has a better baseball team? Not this year, baby! And even if there is baseball on other planets, is there another team that could win it all? How can I best put this...NY!
By now you may have also heard some of the story lines of their victory: their beards, their clubhouse comradery, and the fact that last year they came in dead last and this year they won it all, better known as Worst to First! However, you haven't heard it from me, so here goes. (But first a note to my New York Yankee friends - do you know what the "NY" on your hats stands for? Not Yet. Just thought I would throw that one in...and no, I don't want to talk about how many world series titles each team has because, frankly, it's not relevant to our conversation today. However, feel free to write your own blog and I'll be happy to read all about it!)
This victory was sweet this year for many reasons, not the least of which is that we have suffered through two horrific years of fried chicken, beer and Bobby Valentine! If you aren't a Sox fan you probably have no idea what I am talking about, but suffice it to say that it wasn't pretty. This year all we had to put up with were some beards that looked, well, for the most part, just a bit shabby. A small price to pay to become World Champions.
So why the title "Leaves, Sleep and the Boston Red Sox"? It is simply a matter of priorities. It isn't every year that the Red Sox get into the playoffs or the World Series, but every October the leaves fall and need to be raked up. Therefore, leaves keep (kinda like dust) so they will still be there in November. And I figure who needs sleep in October? November was made for that too. So feel free to stop by our house at any time and you may be lucky enough to spot me in the front yard, leaning on my rake fast asleep, in my Red Sox Champions of the Universe tee shirt. Hey, it could be true...do you know of any other planet that has a better baseball team? Not this year, baby! And even if there is baseball on other planets, is there another team that could win it all? How can I best put this...NY!
Monday, September 23, 2013
Studies Government-style!
With everything that is going on with the government today I thought I'd write a blog about studies. Not the stuff that we had to do in school, but studies that our illustrious government funds with our hard earned money. Notice I said "our" hard earned money. Let's not forget that the government does not make money, unless you consider printing it making it. No, what the government does is an enormous job of redistribution of our money. Granted the majority of what they spend it on is necessary (roughly 51%) but the remainder is what we lovingly refer to as "pork-barrel projects". You know, those "we gotta have 'em" projects that we cannot do without.
I did some research about some of these pork-barrel projects. It took me about 1/2 hour to find these, and if the government had hired me to do this research I figure I could have made $15,971 not including lodging and transportation. Quite a bargain by federal standards. Here is a list of just a few of these pet projects. First a disclaimer...if one or more of these projects were done at your request, well, too bad:
1) $107,000 to study the sex life of the Japanese quail. Apparently the male quail (say that 5 times fast) is quite the ladies man. Nuff said.
2) $84,000 to find out why people fall in love. Now THERE'S a mystery. Can't wait to see how that book ends. I bet the butler did it.
3) $1 Million dollars to find out why people don't ride bikes to work. Well let's see. I work about 23 miles from home and the best way to get from here to there is by Route 395 through Norwich. Seeing as how you can't ride a bike on Route 395, and I'm not about to bike over 30 miles one way, which is the next best route, well, there you go! That's a million dollars we'll never get back.
4) $100,000 on how to avoid falling spacecraft. As my friend Frank would say, some jokes just write themselves. And possibly my favorite because of the subject and the dollar amount...
5) $19 Million dollars to examine gas emissions from cow flatulence. I don't care if you believe in global warming or not, that is just a little over the top. I wonder if they'll classify that as man-made global warming? Okay, splain that one to me Lucy!
So the next time you are taking your Japanese quail for a walk while reading a love story not riding your bike to work (shame on you, by the way!), running through a smelly cow field because you're trying to avoid those pesky falling spacecraft, remember this blog and then ask yourself..."would the federal government have paid me to read this?" And if the answer is yes, let me know and we'll split the money! Wait, there's a knock at my door. Can I help you? You're with the FBI? Oh, the other FBI. The Federal Blog Investigation? Hey honey, call our attorney, we're in deep!
I did some research about some of these pork-barrel projects. It took me about 1/2 hour to find these, and if the government had hired me to do this research I figure I could have made $15,971 not including lodging and transportation. Quite a bargain by federal standards. Here is a list of just a few of these pet projects. First a disclaimer...if one or more of these projects were done at your request, well, too bad:
1) $107,000 to study the sex life of the Japanese quail. Apparently the male quail (say that 5 times fast) is quite the ladies man. Nuff said.
2) $84,000 to find out why people fall in love. Now THERE'S a mystery. Can't wait to see how that book ends. I bet the butler did it.
3) $1 Million dollars to find out why people don't ride bikes to work. Well let's see. I work about 23 miles from home and the best way to get from here to there is by Route 395 through Norwich. Seeing as how you can't ride a bike on Route 395, and I'm not about to bike over 30 miles one way, which is the next best route, well, there you go! That's a million dollars we'll never get back.
4) $100,000 on how to avoid falling spacecraft. As my friend Frank would say, some jokes just write themselves. And possibly my favorite because of the subject and the dollar amount...
5) $19 Million dollars to examine gas emissions from cow flatulence. I don't care if you believe in global warming or not, that is just a little over the top. I wonder if they'll classify that as man-made global warming? Okay, splain that one to me Lucy!
So the next time you are taking your Japanese quail for a walk while reading a love story not riding your bike to work (shame on you, by the way!), running through a smelly cow field because you're trying to avoid those pesky falling spacecraft, remember this blog and then ask yourself..."would the federal government have paid me to read this?" And if the answer is yes, let me know and we'll split the money! Wait, there's a knock at my door. Can I help you? You're with the FBI? Oh, the other FBI. The Federal Blog Investigation? Hey honey, call our attorney, we're in deep!
Sunday, September 1, 2013
Run/Walk to Break the Silence
Normally I can bang out a blog in a short period of time without too
much thought being put into it. Yes, that is my secret - not thinking -
seems to work every time! This one is a little bit different. Not that
I don't know a lot about the subject; quite the contrary, possibly too
much. I had never even heard of the subject before 2003 when it came,
uninvited, into our lives.
Ovarian cancer. Just the sound of those words can make one cringe.
When you hear of a friend or an acquaintance that has cancer your first
thought is "oh, that is too bad". But when it invades your life, or
your spouse's life, the angst level is off the charts. My wife Madonna
was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in August of 2003. She had all of the
"classic symptoms": bloating (in her case appearing to be 9 months
pregnant), stomach pain, frequent urination, and a few more. Who knew
what the symptoms of ovarian cancer were? Certainly not us. Most of
the symptoms mirror things many women experience on a monthly basis;
this is how insidious this disease is. It used to be known as the
"silent killer" however now we know that it is not - it whispers. If
the symptoms persist for more than two weeks, or if a symptom is unusual
for you, see a doctor. Chances are good that it is not ovarian cancer.
But if it is (about 22,000 women are diagnosed each year) and you catch
it early you have a 90% chance of survival. Unfortunately many women
aren't diagnosed early and about 15,000 women will die each year.
Getting back to our journey, my wife had an operation that removed a 17
centimeter tumor in her ovary, and without going into too much medical
jargon she had everything removed. Six sessions of chemotherapy
followed over the next four months, complete with total hair loss and
feeling like a Mack truck had run her over. That was ten years ago, and
our journey since that time has been many check-ups with good news each
time. Not that we did not have a few scares along the way, thinking
that the disease had recurred, which it does quite frequently. I think
about those times and they may have been more scary than the original
diagnosis.
Knowledge is the key for ovarian cancer. It can be beat, and it is
being beaten every day. The major problem is that there is no
definitive screening test that can be done so women need to be in tune
with their bodies and advocate for themselves. And men, you too need to
be aware as well. Had I known the symptoms back in 2003 I would have
insisted that my wife get checked out earlier than what she actually
did. That is why the National Ovarian Cancer Coalition (NOCC) states
that ovarian cancer is "more than a woman's disease". I can certainly
vouch for that as it affects everyone in the family.
The mission of the NOCC is to raise awareness and promote education
about ovarian cancer. They are committed to improving the survival rate
and quality of life for women with ovarian cancer. Being a non-profit
organization they rely primarily on donations. September is ovarian
cancer awareness month and the Connecticut Chapter of the NOCC is
sponsoring their 4th Annual Run/Walk to Break the Silence on Ovarian
Cancer on Saturday September 7, 2013 at Rentschler Field in East
Hartford beginning at 8 AM. Not only is it a fundraiser but it is also
a celebration of survivors and the memories of those lost to the
disease. It is an event complete with entertainment, vendors of all
kinds, food, etc. The comradery that is felt there cannot be explained;
it has to be experienced. It is a beautiful celebration. For more
information please go to nocc.kintera.org/connecticut. You can register
the morning of the walk or online before it. If you have any questions
or need any other information feel free to email me at
tkonline1@sbcglobal.net.
much thought being put into it. Yes, that is my secret - not thinking -
seems to work every time! This one is a little bit different. Not that
I don't know a lot about the subject; quite the contrary, possibly too
much. I had never even heard of the subject before 2003 when it came,
uninvited, into our lives.
Ovarian cancer. Just the sound of those words can make one cringe.
When you hear of a friend or an acquaintance that has cancer your first
thought is "oh, that is too bad". But when it invades your life, or
your spouse's life, the angst level is off the charts. My wife Madonna
was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in August of 2003. She had all of the
"classic symptoms": bloating (in her case appearing to be 9 months
pregnant), stomach pain, frequent urination, and a few more. Who knew
what the symptoms of ovarian cancer were? Certainly not us. Most of
the symptoms mirror things many women experience on a monthly basis;
this is how insidious this disease is. It used to be known as the
"silent killer" however now we know that it is not - it whispers. If
the symptoms persist for more than two weeks, or if a symptom is unusual
for you, see a doctor. Chances are good that it is not ovarian cancer.
But if it is (about 22,000 women are diagnosed each year) and you catch
it early you have a 90% chance of survival. Unfortunately many women
aren't diagnosed early and about 15,000 women will die each year.
Getting back to our journey, my wife had an operation that removed a 17
centimeter tumor in her ovary, and without going into too much medical
jargon she had everything removed. Six sessions of chemotherapy
followed over the next four months, complete with total hair loss and
feeling like a Mack truck had run her over. That was ten years ago, and
our journey since that time has been many check-ups with good news each
time. Not that we did not have a few scares along the way, thinking
that the disease had recurred, which it does quite frequently. I think
about those times and they may have been more scary than the original
diagnosis.
Knowledge is the key for ovarian cancer. It can be beat, and it is
being beaten every day. The major problem is that there is no
definitive screening test that can be done so women need to be in tune
with their bodies and advocate for themselves. And men, you too need to
be aware as well. Had I known the symptoms back in 2003 I would have
insisted that my wife get checked out earlier than what she actually
did. That is why the National Ovarian Cancer Coalition (NOCC) states
that ovarian cancer is "more than a woman's disease". I can certainly
vouch for that as it affects everyone in the family.
The mission of the NOCC is to raise awareness and promote education
about ovarian cancer. They are committed to improving the survival rate
and quality of life for women with ovarian cancer. Being a non-profit
organization they rely primarily on donations. September is ovarian
cancer awareness month and the Connecticut Chapter of the NOCC is
sponsoring their 4th Annual Run/Walk to Break the Silence on Ovarian
Cancer on Saturday September 7, 2013 at Rentschler Field in East
Hartford beginning at 8 AM. Not only is it a fundraiser but it is also
a celebration of survivors and the memories of those lost to the
disease. It is an event complete with entertainment, vendors of all
kinds, food, etc. The comradery that is felt there cannot be explained;
it has to be experienced. It is a beautiful celebration. For more
information please go to nocc.kintera.org/connecticut. You can register
the morning of the walk or online before it. If you have any questions
or need any other information feel free to email me at
tkonline1@sbcglobal.net.
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Anniversaries and Baseball
I love baseball. I like most sports but baseball is my favorite. I played center field for most of my baseball "career" in Norwich, coached and umpired for over 12 years, and now my career is insurance. However, if I got a call from the Red Sox asking that I help manage the team, do front office work, or clean the dugout, I would be there in a heartbeat. And my wife married me knowing this. So my idea of a great anniversary? Going to a ballgame of course. Hers? Not so much.
For the first time ever, my wife and I went to a Red Sox game on our anniversary. And no, we did not plan it...it just sort of happened. The planets aligned (my wife wouldn't necessarily agree) and we ended up with the tickets. Actually the tickets were won by my daughter in law so she and my son were all set to go, four days before our anniversary. How did I end up with the tickets? My daughter in law couldn't go to the game so my son offered her ticket to me (oh darn) so I sacrificed for my son and went with him to the game. Only after we got to Fenway Pahk ("Park" to those outside of Boston) did the game get rained out. The game was postponed until the next off day the Sox had, which happened to be our anniversary. And since my son could not make it that night my wife sacrificed for me and used my son's ticket. You got all that? There will be a test later on, so make sure you have it straight.
So we're off on our adventure the early afternoon of our 36th anniversary. (Remember that number, you will need to know it later on...but I digress.) We drive to the T (subway) station and take that into Kenmore Square. A short walk and we're at my Home Away From Home. We have great seats which are right below the press box behind home plate with a restaurant a few feet away. My daughter in law really knows how to win good tickets...thanks Em! After eating we go to our seats and settle in for the game. A waitress comes by to ask if we would like anything. I order a coke, and she asks if I would like to run a tab...a tab...at Fenway Pahk! YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME! So of course I say yes thinking I would pretend to be an adult. I don't remember the last time I ran a tab - actually I don't think I have EVER run a tab so I went wild and spent a total of $12.50 for the entire game. Yup, that's me, the last of the big time spenders!
At the pahk there are photographers that take your picture in the hopes that you will purchase the package they show you later on. We posed and forgot about it. Until she came back with the photo which came out good. C'mon, it's Fenway Pahk, how could it not come out good?!? She said to purchase one picture would cost $25 but to buy the entire set the cost would be $36. (Does that number ring a bell?) My wife said "wow, it's our 36th wedding anniversary!" The couple sitting next to us literally started to yell "what? You GOTTA buy the pictures now!" (No peer pressure there.) So we did. We began to talk to our peer-pressure pals and find out that she is a divorce attorney. What are the chances? She called us an "icon" and gave us big time kudos which was nice. We explain that we were high school sweethearts (awwwww) and the photographer starts shaking her head saying "stop, you're gonna make me cry!" To which I respond "then can we have the pictures for free?" Didn't work, but I had to try.
Oh yea, there was a game going on too. In the middle of the 8th inning, during the singing of "Sweet Caroline" the heavens opened up and there was a 40 minute rain delay. Being under the press box we stay dry and enjoy seeing throngs of people head under cover. Petty? You bet. You got a problem with that?The Sox lost 2 to 1 on a lousy call by the umpire, who admitted it after the game. It is always fun when you have 35,000 fans screaming at the ump...good way to get rid of your frustrations! So the game ends and we leave to go home...only after I ask the divorce attorney for her card. Nah, not really. You see, my wife and I have always said we would never get divorced, for two reasons; the first is that neither one of us wanted custody of the kids. The second? We can't afford it! Happy Anniversary to all, and to all a good night!
For the first time ever, my wife and I went to a Red Sox game on our anniversary. And no, we did not plan it...it just sort of happened. The planets aligned (my wife wouldn't necessarily agree) and we ended up with the tickets. Actually the tickets were won by my daughter in law so she and my son were all set to go, four days before our anniversary. How did I end up with the tickets? My daughter in law couldn't go to the game so my son offered her ticket to me (oh darn) so I sacrificed for my son and went with him to the game. Only after we got to Fenway Pahk ("Park" to those outside of Boston) did the game get rained out. The game was postponed until the next off day the Sox had, which happened to be our anniversary. And since my son could not make it that night my wife sacrificed for me and used my son's ticket. You got all that? There will be a test later on, so make sure you have it straight.
So we're off on our adventure the early afternoon of our 36th anniversary. (Remember that number, you will need to know it later on...but I digress.) We drive to the T (subway) station and take that into Kenmore Square. A short walk and we're at my Home Away From Home. We have great seats which are right below the press box behind home plate with a restaurant a few feet away. My daughter in law really knows how to win good tickets...thanks Em! After eating we go to our seats and settle in for the game. A waitress comes by to ask if we would like anything. I order a coke, and she asks if I would like to run a tab...a tab...at Fenway Pahk! YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME! So of course I say yes thinking I would pretend to be an adult. I don't remember the last time I ran a tab - actually I don't think I have EVER run a tab so I went wild and spent a total of $12.50 for the entire game. Yup, that's me, the last of the big time spenders!
At the pahk there are photographers that take your picture in the hopes that you will purchase the package they show you later on. We posed and forgot about it. Until she came back with the photo which came out good. C'mon, it's Fenway Pahk, how could it not come out good?!? She said to purchase one picture would cost $25 but to buy the entire set the cost would be $36. (Does that number ring a bell?) My wife said "wow, it's our 36th wedding anniversary!" The couple sitting next to us literally started to yell "what? You GOTTA buy the pictures now!" (No peer pressure there.) So we did. We began to talk to our peer-pressure pals and find out that she is a divorce attorney. What are the chances? She called us an "icon" and gave us big time kudos which was nice. We explain that we were high school sweethearts (awwwww) and the photographer starts shaking her head saying "stop, you're gonna make me cry!" To which I respond "then can we have the pictures for free?" Didn't work, but I had to try.
Oh yea, there was a game going on too. In the middle of the 8th inning, during the singing of "Sweet Caroline" the heavens opened up and there was a 40 minute rain delay. Being under the press box we stay dry and enjoy seeing throngs of people head under cover. Petty? You bet. You got a problem with that?The Sox lost 2 to 1 on a lousy call by the umpire, who admitted it after the game. It is always fun when you have 35,000 fans screaming at the ump...good way to get rid of your frustrations! So the game ends and we leave to go home...only after I ask the divorce attorney for her card. Nah, not really. You see, my wife and I have always said we would never get divorced, for two reasons; the first is that neither one of us wanted custody of the kids. The second? We can't afford it! Happy Anniversary to all, and to all a good night!
Saturday, June 22, 2013
Dog Gone it!
Do any of you own a puppy? Do any of you WANT to own a puppy? We just happen to have one. Only kidding, we paid too much to give the little guy away. But make me an offer. Did I say that out loud?
As some of you know, about a month or so ago we became the proud parents of Archie, a 3 pound Shih Tzu. Of course everyone has fun with the name of the breed because it sounds like, well, it sounds like something Archie is very good at doing. Puppies as a whole do not eat or drink - they refuel. Which makes house training a real pleasure. They live to run around like crazy and "go" wherever possible. I've found that most puppies prefer the rug to a hardwood floor as it makes it more of a challenge for the owner. Because that's what owning a puppy is all about; challenges. I have a theory as to why God made puppies so cute...so when their little accidents happen your're not tempted to throw them out with the "accident".
Archie is a good puppy though. For the most part he sleeps through the night in his kennel. But about three nights a week we hear "whine, whine, whine" which in puppy-speak either means "I have to go outside" or "I already went and don't feel like laying in it all night." Either way it demands your immediate attention. We're trying to bell train him - we have a bell hanging off of the front door handle and every time we bring him out we ring the bell with his paw. He actually rang the bell earlier today and when I turned around to look he was eating it. He loves toys and he thinks this is just another one. I try telling him what it is for but he just looks at me and tilts his head. You know, the way that all dogs do when you talk gibberish to them? Did you know that gibberish is an actual language from the country Gibber? It is one of the countries that emerged when the Soviet Union dissolved. Don't bother looking it up, though...just don't.
Our older dog Lily wants nothing to do with this wild thing we call Archie. When Archie sees her he goes crazy, jumping straight up in the air like a gazelle to play with her. She retaliates by growling and snapping at him...rather unladylike. So we have to keep them separated. I can't blame Lily because she has owned the house for over 14 years, and to share it with, well, with a wild thing is NOT her idea of a good time. Everyone keeps telling me that she will lighten up and things will get better. Okay, how about you come over to referee a few rounds and give my wife and I a break?
Archie is easily distracted when outside to do his business. He could be all set to make it happen (after smelling miles of grass and finding the proper spot) when a car comes by and all of the progress made up to that point goes away as he watches the car, and forgets what he was doing. A word to our neighbors - I will be putting spike strips on either end of our road when the dog is outside. Don't say you haven't been warned. And if you want to get by you will have to ring a bell. Hey, if it's good enough for my dog it's good enough for you!
Archie is a good puppy though. For the most part he sleeps through the night in his kennel. But about three nights a week we hear "whine, whine, whine" which in puppy-speak either means "I have to go outside" or "I already went and don't feel like laying in it all night." Either way it demands your immediate attention. We're trying to bell train him - we have a bell hanging off of the front door handle and every time we bring him out we ring the bell with his paw. He actually rang the bell earlier today and when I turned around to look he was eating it. He loves toys and he thinks this is just another one. I try telling him what it is for but he just looks at me and tilts his head. You know, the way that all dogs do when you talk gibberish to them? Did you know that gibberish is an actual language from the country Gibber? It is one of the countries that emerged when the Soviet Union dissolved. Don't bother looking it up, though...just don't.
Our older dog Lily wants nothing to do with this wild thing we call Archie. When Archie sees her he goes crazy, jumping straight up in the air like a gazelle to play with her. She retaliates by growling and snapping at him...rather unladylike. So we have to keep them separated. I can't blame Lily because she has owned the house for over 14 years, and to share it with, well, with a wild thing is NOT her idea of a good time. Everyone keeps telling me that she will lighten up and things will get better. Okay, how about you come over to referee a few rounds and give my wife and I a break?
Archie is easily distracted when outside to do his business. He could be all set to make it happen (after smelling miles of grass and finding the proper spot) when a car comes by and all of the progress made up to that point goes away as he watches the car, and forgets what he was doing. A word to our neighbors - I will be putting spike strips on either end of our road when the dog is outside. Don't say you haven't been warned. And if you want to get by you will have to ring a bell. Hey, if it's good enough for my dog it's good enough for you!
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